Monday, January 15, 2007
-9:03 PM
hello all. (:how have you all been?school's been hectic and i'm quite stressed now. but i believe i'll survive somehow.and before i start, this is gonna be quite a long post, so bear with me okay? :)what can i say?the last weekend was incredible.as some of you know, last week wasn't really turning out well for me.until friday, then saturday and yesterday.i admit, it hasn't been an easy time dealing with some issues.there has been many ups and downs during the past few months.i feel as if i was enduring for years. lol.but i'm relieved now, i feel at peace now.i know that it's all over now, things are gonna get better and it's time to move on.don't ask me how i knowwwww, I KNOW. for sure. :)i'm just glad and i praise the Lord for bringing me through such a tough time. i think i wouldn't have been able to survive without Him around.i may have been in a little boat, pushed around by many big waves, but i can tell you, i've reached safely at my shore now and i know someone is really proud of me. (:it's all been worth it, and yeap, this is a new time, a new season.and i know it's gonna be a good one.i've grown so much from those few months.maybe sometimes we feel like we can't get through the tough stuff, but i believe we all can, just keep pushing through and don't give up.i've learnt much. i've learnt how to value the different relationships in my life, family, friends and time.let's just say, my family and i could have died in an accident when i was on the way back to malaysia the last time.it's a long story, and even if i did explain, only a few would understand.as many of you all know, a significant part of my life ended last year, yeap, my relationship with a very special person in my life.even after this whole time, i admit, maybe sometimes i'm just trying to be strong,but i just wanna tell the truth here.i just wanna tell you that,during this whole time, there hasn't been a single day where i haven't thought about you, how you've been and all,and there are times when i still miss you and miss your company,after all this time, i can still say that i still love you. maybe not in the same intensity as before, but i still do.in my heart, i guess i was quietly waiting without saying.i very well know that perhaps you don't feel the same way anymore,and to this day, i can say that i'm strong enough to sincerely say that,i hope and pray that through whatever life struggles that you may go through, you will come out victorious and not be pulled down.and i also hope to see you one day, happy with a person that you really love and spend your life with her.i was silly, i got mad when i saw that picture of you and that girl,i don't know who's she, but that's not the point,i know i was jealous, but seriously, i realise now that i shouldn't be.whether you like her or not, or want to be with her or not,it's no longer part of my life and i should not bother.i hope you'll be happy doing the things you do and go on with life without regrets.i thank you for even teaching me so much, your leaving taught me more than your staying.and i do have to say that i'm glad that i've grown so much and i thank God that you were a big part of my life.that was my past, and now, though it was a part of me, and maybe feelings are still there,but i'm ready to move on and really release all.and i no longer want to hold on to my feelings and i'm sure they'll fade with time,i no longer want you to be that big part of my life.waiting? nope, but i'll just take things as they come, and as God wants them to come. :)and yeap, it's finally over,the storms are over, and i know that i can put down all, and move on.i pray for you, that you'll never give up no matter what you face in life.and definitely, may you always be watched over by the powerful God above. (:do take care, goodbye. :)you see, after all trials, i know now i'm stronger.there are big parts in my life that i know i really love and want to cherish.i have goals and dreams that i want to achieve.and there's someone that i really want to love with my whole heart.i know many friends are worried about how things are going,i may have been depressed at times cos of situations in my life,but now, there will be no more of that, but rejoicing. :)no longer worry about me, and know me not for my past, but for the person i've turned out from my past. (:i can say today, i am a new person, and a stronger one too. :Dtoday, this post is a long one because i should not be blogging here at blogspot anymore. (:i may be shifting to livejournal or something where only people whom i want to read my blog will be able to.i guess i just want that little bit of privacy. (:hehehehe, so yes, this should be my last post at blogspot! :Di hope you guys will be happy people okay! :Dwith loads of love and blessings and laughter in your lives. :)God, i love You, and i want all to know that You're a big part of my life and if there was no You, there'll be no me. i really love You. (:with much love,kymberly.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
-11:45 PM
i know it's no longer right for me to feel this way, but i can't help it.
and i think it's best we still keep our distance.
i will force myself to forget about you, even if it takes every single thing inside of me and i promise myself, i'll not wait for you even if i have been doing just that this whole time. i'm really stupid, i tell you.
your problems at home are yours, i shouldn't bother anymore anyway, so don't tell me about it okay.
and to be truthful, if you wanna date any girl now or whatsoever, or even have a new girlfriend, i shouldn't and WON'T mind.
and people out there, NO, i don't have a boyfriend okay, maybe in the previous posts it seems like i do,
but no, i don't have one. i'm married already. MARRIED okay.
so if you wanna give me advice, save it for other people, especially if you're someone who doesn't know me.
if you wanna tag on his blog, then go ahead. cos i don't read his blog anyway, so as long as i'm not involved, you can go ahead.
and PLEASE, don't ask me to wait, cos I WON'T. he doesn't love me anymore okay. he doesn't. so please, don't ask!
i need you now, i realise that i've grown so strong because of you and i wouldn't have made it so far without you.
GOD, please help.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
-3:26 AM
last night was a baddd night.
i had a project due today of which i had not even started on until yesterday.
we only got to know that the presentation was this wk.
AND, ah, since my class register number is 4 and christle(no.3) wouldn't be presenting today, i REALLY had to get things done cos obviously i was gonna be presenting.
HAVOC okay. lol. i didn't know where to start. what to do.
thank God, after praying that i'd make it through and that i'd finish everything by that night, i finished it at 2am and finally could slp. (:
i woke up today with a bad headache and got jittery everytime i thought about the presentation.
i was the LEAST prepared for a presentation.
i woke up feeling pretty ugh-y, i didn't think that today would turn out to be pretty fine. (:
i got back the last bit of my results for the common test and i'm feeling happy with them. but i'm gonna work harder for exams. :D
so i finally did my presentation(phew!), i was nervous alright. but i made it through. :D yay. hahaha.
but this isn't the best part of the day.
after maths, we walked to the bus stop, and guess who i saw.
i saw that stupid pasta head, marcus ling. :)
it's been so long i've seen him. i was actually at his school block for maths but didn't bump into him there though.
huan qing and ann kept teasing luh. and qing, he doesn't have a clb okay. don't say that! LOL.
i felt a little uncomfortable with all that erm yeap, you know. lol.
it's nothing! really. nothing. we're just plain pure good friends. and i like it that way. :))
then bus 74 came. yeap, marcus stays in bishan, and was gonna take 74 too.
that 74 he boarded had no aircon.
i didn't board that bus though. :p
i boarded the 74 behind it,
and guess who i saw!

my BRUDDERR!!!!!!!! :DDDDDDD
wah, i was super super super super happy. this is the first time i saw brudder in 2007 and it wasn't arranged. (:
no words can describe how happy i was.
we then went to his house bus stop at bishan near my old school. :)
but we walked here and there cos we couldn't make up our minds on which bus stop to go for me to take my bus home.
though it was that way, i didn't feel i was wasting time or anything,
i enjoyed talking while walking and just listening to how my brudder's been.
i sure miss him.
after about an hour, i finally went home. :)
we promised to meet up again soon, before i go back to malaysia again.
and i'm sure we will and i'm looking forward to it.
meeting 2 people unexpectedly today surely made my day.
i feel so blessed now at the end of the day, even though i didn't feel so good this morning. :)
for all my wonderful and supportive classmates,
for my wonderful brudder,
for mr silly pasta head,
for wonderful friends who protect me and
definitely, for an AMAZING GOD(thank You, for all You've done) who watches over me,
i sure am blessed, really blessed. :)
and i sure love all of you. (:
Saturday, January 06, 2007
-4:15 PM
my head's still hurting, but i'm looking forward to meeting vivien, lynn and the rest later. (:
i'm sure lynn will have a smashing celebration. :)
i seriously can't wait for the next break which is coming up in a few weeks time.
school closes on like the feb 18. YAY. :D
i'm gonna spend a few days of cny back home here with my family and friends then i'll be going back alone to stay with my grandma for a few weeks around the 23rd or 24th. and perhaps spend the last few days of cny with my other relatives. (:
i think it'll be nice to spend some time with my grandma. (:
yes, so for that time, i'll be working SUPERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR hard for the projects, presentations and exams.
and tmr morning's the first IGNYTE service at PL! :D
heh, bye and enjoy your weekends. (:
-1:43 AM
hello there, i am not feeling very good today.
i met up with jeanette, daryl and yuen ting at 10 in sch today, for CATS project.
my head felt like bursting. i slept with a headache and i woke up with one too.
and i think it's because of my flu and fever.
in fact, even after taking a looong nap after i came back from sch at 4, i'm still having a headache. :(
i didn't go for S&W as my headache was beyond my control.
ann didn't come to school at all today. her grandma passed away. :'(
i'm sorry dearie, i hope you're doing fine. i pray that God will help you and your family get thru this hard time. we're all here for you. (: love you ann.
and marcus ling is freaky. he knew that i didn't go for S&W today and that i took a nap. i asked him how does he knw and his replies are making me quite fed up. lol. stupid pasta head.
now, i'll start here.
do i still love him?
haha, actually, i don't find a need to give you, "anoymous", an answer.
i think, it wouldn't make any difference.
things that i hold close to my heart, will be kept in my heart and only revealed to people that care to know my heart.
you may be an outsider who's looking at things from your point of view, but my close ones know the things going on on the inside.
they know the things i've gone through.
whether or not i love him, or whether or not i'm waiting for him, these are things that only I NEED TO KNOW.
like you said, that's of course if he feels the same.
so, what if he doesn't feel the same?
then do you know, the pain of waiting?
or do you then know the scars that pains have left behind?
do you know how it feels like?
do you know, how it feels like to wait and then realise that the person no longer feels the same or the person's changed?
if you could guarantee that the person will remain the same or will become better instead of worse, then it'll be a different story.
i'd rather hide my heart from the outside world, cos i know what's best for me.
for me, i find it unnecessary now to say "i love you/i don't love you" or "i'm waiting for you/i'm not waiting for you", cos these are personal decisions that only i myself need to know.
i've learnt this from everything that has happened:
even if you think that things are in control, they can suddenly spin out of control,
and even if you made plans yourself, your plans may not be the one that will be carried out.
you may have plans, but there may be greater plans for you that you do not know.
you can say now that i'm leaving the planning and my heart into greater hands.
(:
i know perhaps you're concerned, and thank you for caring. but these things are between him and i.
and i do not want to be reminded of this anymore okay? thanks. :)
in summary, whether or not i love him still or am waiting for him or not, are for me to know only.
things that are meant to be, they always will be.
okay, that's all i want to say.
goodnight, my head's bursting already.
OH YES, GO WATCH NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM. that show's hilarious! :p right ping dear? :)
please read in between the lines.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
-7:52 PM
today's just one of those days where i feel like lazing around and read a book and watch some tv. :)
school's starting tmr(ugh!), though i'm pretty much disappointed that the holidays are coming to an end, i still can't wait to see my much missed classmates. :)
i read this on emm's blog:
"You will never love someone,
or never had love someone
until you started loving that person for their flaws."
i've realised now how scared i am in "falling in love".
i daren't even think about it now. i was just telling pasta head last night that i think i've got a phobia of loving someone now.
he pretty much understands how i feel cos i think love's been quite cruel to us i guess. :x
that silly and lazy head finally took his house phone to call me after much persuasion. LAZY PIG.
but he slept earlier than normal ytd due to his concussed head and tired body which were the after effects of playing soccer with the church guys. (:
anyway, we had a nice conversation.
"take your own sweet time, and let God send you the right person before "falling in love"." ((:
yeap. i think i'll do just that.
i don't wanna try to burn memories or cry buckets full of tears after things end.
to be exact, i want my next boyfriend to be the last one and of course, my husband.
because i learned to love my dearest because of his flaws, it made it so hard to let go, to forget about everything we've built together.
so, the next time i love my dearest because of his flaws, i'll take all precautions and try to make sure as hard as i can that he wouldn't let go, and thus save me from forcing myself to forget about everything that we built together after things end.
i guess you can say i've grown tired of the never ending ups and downs a relationship can bring and i want to take a break from all that nonsense. :p
it's not because i haven't gotten over my past that i'm not ready, doc pasta says i'm "fully recovered". ((: it's just that i don't think i'm ready for anything yet.
i'm just glad and happy with how my life is right now, i'm contented with the things i have in my hands now. seriously. (:
i know with someone really reliable driving my car for me, things won't go as wrong as when i'm driving it myself. ;)
so 1 of this year's resolutions?
take my own sweet time and use that time to cherish and love the people closest to me. :DD
alrighttttttttttt, i'm about to end my post but before i go,
HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY JANICE! :DD hope you're having a smashing birthday. may love, joy and laughter fill your 18th year of your life! (: much love! <3
and, to all people starting school tmr, HAVE FUNNNNNN at school okay! :D
goodbyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee for now! :P
hosanna hosanna! :DD
Monday, January 01, 2007
-11:59 PM

A HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE! may 2007 be a good year for all of you. :)
this year's christmas at fraser's hill was fantabulous! no words can exactly explain how much i enjoyed the time spent with my big family.
playing charades with the kids and the adults till the wee hours of the night,
crowding with the kids around the tv to watch some pretty amazing shows,
having a deeeelicious bbq at the balcony which my uncles improvised on,
having goreng pisang, RAMLY BURGER, and hot teh tarik on the hill with many talks,
singing with them in the room,
laughing at the funny little things,
seeing so many beautiful and colourful flowers,
playing table tennis with the adults,
screaming at the silly things,
opening the many presents on christmas,
enjoying the very cold wind on my face,
and so so much more.
this trip was definitely amazing.
i can really understand why my uncle and auntie chose this place for their honeymoon. :)
it's quiet, and you see many things you don't see down there.
after this trip, fraser's is definitely on my list of "destinations for my honeymoon". i'm pretty sure my husband would love this place. :)
i reached home after traveling 7 hours in the car from taiping.
i cried when we left. somehow i've built so many memories during this short period of time and bulit so many connections. if i had a choice, i wouldn't leave.
i think this trip was too short. sigh, but life has to move on.
here are 3 pictures from my trip. :)

YES! a big big stack of christmas presents. :D

i took this 1 early morning from where we were staying. :)

the flowers are beautiful aren't they? (:
new year's was spent at our new church which hasn't been fully built yet but had many rooms already available for all of us to use.
now our church has 2 centres, one at adam and one at paya lebar.
the whole church spent new year's at paya lebar. :)
it was awesome.
we were all at church from 5 onwards till 12 plus in the morning.
i spent this new year with my bestest church friends, pingg, ling and lizz, my family, and of course the whole church.
it was awesome! :D
it was a great way to welcome 2007. :)
in 2006,
i've learned so much and i've really grown up.
2006 has been a year full of many tears and i think i've never cried so much in any year before.
but yet, these tears at the same time have been the seeds that grew into many wonderful things.
i've learned the meaning of sacrificial love and how painful it can really be,
i've experienced how it feels to really be in love and how nice it is to have that loved one beside you all the time,
i've learned how to cope with the loss of loved ones better,
i've learned to let go and let God even more in every situation of my life now,
i've learned to cherish friends and loved ones even more,
2006 has been a year of many tears, heartache, and yet a season of moulding and growing for me. it definitely had laughters and friends that made it worthwhile, but yes, there are some moments that i pray that 2007 would never have. :)
but i believe strongly in my heart that 2007 is gonna be a good year and much better year. (:
whatever that has happened in the last year, is my past, and this is a new beginning!
i hope that 2007 will be good for all of you too. :)
bring it on, 2007. (:
this is your year and i commit it to you. (:
tomato head came back safe and sound and wasn't squashed. :p and yes, she did miss you. :)