lifesong
Everyone needs compassion
And love that never fails
Let mercy fall on me
When everyone needs forgiveness
Kindness of the Saviour
The Hope of the nation
Saviour, He can move my mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
So take me as you find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything that i believe in
Now i surrender
Shine a light in and
let the whole world see
Singing, for the glory of the risen king
Jesus, Shine a light and
let the whole world see
Singing for the glory of the risen king
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
-11:26 PM
i can't believe i broke down 2 times today.
i'm sorry to the 2 people, but thank you as well.
i met brudder today,
i'm sorry that i kept quiet almost throughout the whole journey,
and i'm sorry that we didn't go and eat in the end.
we were supposed to go have dinner, but i wasn't in the mood.
in the end we landed up at my house's void deck, walking in the mild rain,
walking on and on to the bubble tea store.
in the end, we walked back and sat down to talk.
i'm sorry for not being able to get out of this mess.
i find it really hard, really really hard.
but, talking to brudder really helps.
talking about memories that you can't forget,
talking about things you regret,
talking about things you feel the most sad about.
talking about things that you really feel deep inside that other people would despise.
i know i'm silly, but i've been thinking, if my purpose in life is to go through torture and pain, then it'll be better if i'm gone right? wouldn't everything be better then?
i've been thinking about this for so long, but i choose to keep quiet. i know not everyone would understand.
but now, talking about it to you who understands only makes it all better.
i know i shouldn't think that way, i know i'll be stronger. i know i'll stand up somehow.
and i know my purpose isn't that. it's just a big lie.
it really makes me feel so much better.
the silly things you say that make me laugh seem to be uncountable you know.
lol. (:
though brudder, i thought you'd be bored, but in the midst of everything, you make me feel really lucky and blessed.
it's really nice to have someone to listen and to know what to say and to comfort.
thank you, really. <3333
it's really scary, cos 2 people said the same thing to me.
["always learn to let go as u learn how to take up"
its always hard to let go, but if u dun let go of this barrier, God's blessings cannot come through to you.]
thank you pris, and ann. (:
as how i've taken this up, i know i will learn to let go.
i guess i've been blinded by too many things.
i've been too tired, been too depressed.
everytime i feel as if i'm strong, the next moment i crumble.
but i know i will let go of all this sooner or later. just give me some time.
i've been blocking out God's blessings, cos i choose to be blind, to hide myself.
i've been too silly.
i've been a fool in love, a fool who loves someone who no longer loves me, someone who isn't willing to fight for me, who regrets, but doesn't want to turn back.
i always thought "maybe i'm not worth it."
yeap. maybe i am, but even if i'm not worth it to one person, i'll still be "worth it" to other people right? (:
i thank God that i have friends like you that have opened my eyes, not to see my situations, but to see the way i've been acting in response to my situations.
it's been a big burden i've been carrying all this time.
too many memories, heartache, tears, thoughts, lies.
but i'm laying it down at the feet of Jesus now.
yes ann, i'm gonna say "i surrender all, Jesus."
cos now i'm way to tired.
i don't know when all this is going to end, but just like He told me,
"just be strong. a little while more, a little while more.
though sometimes i feel i can't be strong anymore, i'll still pick myself up and continue to walk till the day when i can stop walking. i'll be strong, and gain strength from God.
no matter how things go, it's okay now.
i don't wanna think about these things, but instead now, it's time to nurse my heart.
it feels as if it's been trampled over and over again.
but i won't let it be now.
(:
i'm gonna be stronger and be more optimistic from now on.
and, i'd appreciate it if you guys wouldn't talk about him to me from now on, unless of course i talk to you about it. lol
it'll be a great help to me.
and after all the time has passed, then when i can talk about it and say that "it's my past" and "it no longer matters to me now" and "it doesn't affect me", then we'll talk about it. (:
now, just help me okay? (:
don't worry, i'm gonna be fine. just give me a little time.
:D
thank you ann, thank you brudder, thank you qing, thank you pris, for not only stepping in during this period of time, but also knowing how to get me through this difficult period of time.
i love all of you very much. (:
goodnight everyone,
i'm gonna sleep now.
I AM GOONG CRAZY. lol. i love that show! :p
God, please let this end soon, and help me stand strong, it's been very very hard Lord. please let this end soon. Amen.
