lifesong
Everyone needs compassion
And love that never fails
Let mercy fall on me
When everyone needs forgiveness
Kindness of the Saviour
The Hope of the nation
Saviour, He can move my mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
So take me as you find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything that i believe in
Now i surrender
Shine a light in and
let the whole world see
Singing, for the glory of the risen king
Jesus, Shine a light and
let the whole world see
Singing for the glory of the risen king
Friday, November 17, 2006
-11:10 AM
LOL, i just woke up and i just wanna blog.
i had 2 dreams last night. scary ones. one was really bloody. the other was very scary, but i had a boy in my dream, being with me, keeping me safe. and i know who that boy was.
before i slept last night, i was talking to my mom. telling her about the past few days.
i said that i feel that in the future "......".
and i said that i'm really silly right?
mom said that i wasn't. she said that it's alright to build your dreams with someone you love.
sometimes i wish i couldn't.
i wish i could build some other dreams somewhere else with someone else.
i really wish i could migrate or something. yeah. call it running away or what.
at least running away can help me take some rest and get away from all these things that i don't wanna go through.
it's like constant torment. i guess i have myself to blame.
cos even after so long, i still love you.
sometimes i wish i could say that out. but now i know i no longer can.
i can no longer say i'm sad in front of you, cos you always say that you don't want me to be hurt because of you.
so at all times, i must seem strong.
i must laugh, i must be happy, i can't cry, i can't feel agony.
and this is torturing me.
mom said, "you can be strong, but somedays, you'll just crumble. but at the end of the day you have to get up and say "i can do it."."
yeah mom, i know. (:
i hate myself for missing you, really.
i wish that i've gotten selective amnesia.
i choose to remember the happy things and forget all those bad ones.
i choose to remember what my life was before you, and forget the one after you came and gone.
i wish that every place i go, i can take a duster or something and clear away all the memories like a whiteboard and leave nothing behind.
i question myself why was it so easy to forget everything behind him and me?
but now you and me, why is it so difficult for me?
anyway, all in all, if all i've done, can let you live a good and happy life without any troubles,
then it's worth it.
even if i've got to go through all torment, and cry for you sometimes, it's alright.
at least in my heart, i know you're safe and sound.
even if i've got to force myself to walk away from you just to make things better, i would.
all in all, i just want you to be happy, be alright.
as much as i wish that i could still call you mine, still have you to hold and lean on when i need to,
i know i no longer can, and i have to move on.
i know that i still hold dreams in my heart that i won't let go.
but all these dreams have to be put on a hold and in the meanwhile, i'll just have to move on.
move on and move on.
i realised last night, that my ultimate wish is to see you happy.
i realised that even if i feel lousy about everything, just the thought of you being alright, safe and sound, brings me the peace.
so please, be happy. (:
don't let this blog post affect you alright?
feelings for you, funny how it is, just cannot be forgotten in such a short matter of time.
maybe even after long, i wouldn't be able to.
i don't know.
i'll keep my promise, and i hope you'll keep yours too.
our promise does not have to be said, we both know it.
and maybe someday, things will be back right where it's supposed to be. (:
still, nobody can take the place of my number one boy.
