my sounds, my thoughts, my life

2007-01-15T21:03:00.000-08:00

hello all. (:
how have you all been?
school's been hectic and i'm quite stressed now. but i believe i'll survive somehow.
and before i start, this is gonna be quite a long post, so bear with me okay? :)

what can i say?
the last weekend was incredible.
as some of you know, last week wasn't really turning out well for me.
until friday, then saturday and yesterday.
i admit, it hasn't been an easy time dealing with some issues.

there has been many ups and downs during the past few months.
i feel as if i was enduring for years. lol.
but i'm relieved now, i feel at peace now.
i know that it's all over now, things are gonna get better and it's time to move on.
don't ask me how i knowwwww, I KNOW. for sure. :)
i'm just glad and i praise the Lord for bringing me through such a tough time. i think i wouldn't have been able to survive without Him around.

i may have been in a little boat, pushed around by many big waves, but i can tell you, i've reached safely at my shore now and i know someone is really proud of me. (:
it's all been worth it, and yeap, this is a new time, a new season.
and i know it's gonna be a good one.

i've grown so much from those few months.
maybe sometimes we feel like we can't get through the tough stuff, but i believe we all can, just keep pushing through and don't give up.
i've learnt much. i've learnt how to value the different relationships in my life, family, friends and time.
let's just say, my family and i could have died in an accident when i was on the way back to malaysia the last time.
it's a long story, and even if i did explain, only a few would understand.

as many of you all know, a significant part of my life ended last year, yeap, my relationship with a very special person in my life.
even after this whole time, i admit, maybe sometimes i'm just trying to be strong,
but i just wanna tell the truth here.

i just wanna tell you that,
during this whole time, there hasn't been a single day where i haven't thought about you, how you've been and all,
and there are times when i still miss you and miss your company,
after all this time, i can still say that i still love you. maybe not in the same intensity as before, but i still do.
in my heart, i guess i was quietly waiting without saying.

i very well know that perhaps you don't feel the same way anymore,
and to this day, i can say that i'm strong enough to sincerely say that,
i hope and pray that through whatever life struggles that you may go through, you will come out victorious and not be pulled down.
and i also hope to see you one day, happy with a person that you really love and spend your life with her.

i was silly, i got mad when i saw that picture of you and that girl,
i don't know who's she, but that's not the point,
i know i was jealous, but seriously, i realise now that i shouldn't be.
whether you like her or not, or want to be with her or not,
it's no longer part of my life and i should not bother.
i hope you'll be happy doing the things you do and go on with life without regrets.
i thank you for even teaching me so much, your leaving taught me more than your staying.
and i do have to say that i'm glad that i've grown so much and i thank God that you were a big part of my life.

that was my past, and now, though it was a part of me, and maybe feelings are still there,
but i'm ready to move on and really release all.
and i no longer want to hold on to my feelings and i'm sure they'll fade with time,
i no longer want you to be that big part of my life.
waiting? nope, but i'll just take things as they come, and as God wants them to come. :)

and yeap, it's finally over,
the storms are over, and i know that i can put down all, and move on.
i pray for you, that you'll never give up no matter what you face in life.
and definitely, may you always be watched over by the powerful God above. (:
do take care, goodbye. :)

you see, after all trials, i know now i'm stronger.
there are big parts in my life that i know i really love and want to cherish.
i have goals and dreams that i want to achieve.
and there's someone that i really want to love with my whole heart.
i know many friends are worried about how things are going,
i may have been depressed at times cos of situations in my life,
but now, there will be no more of that, but rejoicing. :)

no longer worry about me, and know me not for my past, but for the person i've turned out from my past. (:
i can say today, i am a new person, and a stronger one too. :D

today, this post is a long one because i should not be blogging here at blogspot anymore. (:
i may be shifting to livejournal or something where only people whom i want to read my blog will be able to.
i guess i just want that little bit of privacy. (:
hehehehe, so yes, this should be my last post at blogspot! :D

i hope you guys will be happy people okay! :D
with loads of love and blessings and laughter in your lives. :)

God, i love You, and i want all to know that You're a big part of my life and if there was no You, there'll be no me. i really love You. (:

with much love,
kymberly.

2007-01-10T23:45:00.000-08:00

i know it's no longer right for me to feel this way, but i can't help it.
and i think it's best we still keep our distance.

i will force myself to forget about you, even if it takes every single thing inside of me and i promise myself, i'll not wait for you even if i have been doing just that this whole time. i'm really stupid, i tell you.

your problems at home are yours, i shouldn't bother anymore anyway, so don't tell me about it okay.
and to be truthful, if you wanna date any girl now or whatsoever, or even have a new girlfriend, i shouldn't and WON'T mind.

and people out there, NO, i don't have a boyfriend okay, maybe in the previous posts it seems like i do,
but no, i don't have one. i'm married already. MARRIED okay.
so if you wanna give me advice, save it for other people, especially if you're someone who doesn't know me.

if you wanna tag on his blog, then go ahead. cos i don't read his blog anyway, so as long as i'm not involved, you can go ahead.

and PLEASE, don't ask me to wait, cos I WON'T. he doesn't love me anymore okay. he doesn't. so please, don't ask!

i need you now, i realise that i've grown so strong because of you and i wouldn't have made it so far without you.

GOD, please help.

blessed day. :D

2007-01-09T03:26:00.001-08:00

last night was a baddd night.
i had a project due today of which i had not even started on until yesterday.
we only got to know that the presentation was this wk.
AND, ah, since my class register number is 4 and christle(no.3) wouldn't be presenting today, i REALLY had to get things done cos obviously i was gonna be presenting.

HAVOC okay. lol. i didn't know where to start. what to do.
thank God, after praying that i'd make it through and that i'd finish everything by that night, i finished it at 2am and finally could slp. (:

i woke up today with a bad headache and got jittery everytime i thought about the presentation.
i was the LEAST prepared for a presentation.

i woke up feeling pretty ugh-y, i didn't think that today would turn out to be pretty fine. (:
i got back the last bit of my results for the common test and i'm feeling happy with them. but i'm gonna work harder for exams. :D

so i finally did my presentation(phew!), i was nervous alright. but i made it through. :D yay. hahaha.
but this isn't the best part of the day.

after maths, we walked to the bus stop, and guess who i saw.
i saw that stupid pasta head, marcus ling. :)
it's been so long i've seen him. i was actually at his school block for maths but didn't bump into him there though.

huan qing and ann kept teasing luh. and qing, he doesn't have a clb okay. don't say that! LOL.
i felt a little uncomfortable with all that erm yeap, you know. lol.
it's nothing! really. nothing. we're just plain pure good friends. and i like it that way. :))

then bus 74 came. yeap, marcus stays in bishan, and was gonna take 74 too.
that 74 he boarded had no aircon.
i didn't board that bus though. :p
i boarded the 74 behind it,
and guess who i saw!

my BRUDDERR!!!!!!!! :DDDDDDD

wah, i was super super super super happy. this is the first time i saw brudder in 2007 and it wasn't arranged. (:
no words can describe how happy i was.
we then went to his house bus stop at bishan near my old school. :)
but we walked here and there cos we couldn't make up our minds on which bus stop to go for me to take my bus home.

though it was that way, i didn't feel i was wasting time or anything,
i enjoyed talking while walking and just listening to how my brudder's been.
i sure miss him.
after about an hour, i finally went home. :)
we promised to meet up again soon, before i go back to malaysia again.
and i'm sure we will and i'm looking forward to it.

meeting 2 people unexpectedly today surely made my day.
i feel so blessed now at the end of the day, even though i didn't feel so good this morning. :)

for all my wonderful and supportive classmates,
for my wonderful brudder,
for mr silly pasta head,
for wonderful friends who protect me and
definitely, for an AMAZING GOD(thank You, for all You've done) who watches over me,

i sure am blessed, really blessed. :)

and i sure love all of you. (:

2007-01-06T16:15:00.000-08:00

my head's still hurting, but i'm looking forward to meeting vivien, lynn and the rest later. (:
i'm sure lynn will have a smashing celebration. :)

i seriously can't wait for the next break which is coming up in a few weeks time.
school closes on like the feb 18. YAY. :D
i'm gonna spend a few days of cny back home here with my family and friends then i'll be going back alone to stay with my grandma for a few weeks around the 23rd or 24th. and perhaps spend the last few days of cny with my other relatives. (:

i think it'll be nice to spend some time with my grandma. (:
yes, so for that time, i'll be working SUPERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR hard for the projects, presentations and exams.

and tmr morning's the first IGNYTE service at PL! :D

heh, bye and enjoy your weekends. (:

2007-01-06T01:43:00.000-08:00

hello there, i am not feeling very good today.
i met up with jeanette, daryl and yuen ting at 10 in sch today, for CATS project.
my head felt like bursting. i slept with a headache and i woke up with one too.
and i think it's because of my flu and fever.
in fact, even after taking a looong nap after i came back from sch at 4, i'm still having a headache. :(
i didn't go for S&W as my headache was beyond my control.

ann didn't come to school at all today. her grandma passed away. :'(
i'm sorry dearie, i hope you're doing fine. i pray that God will help you and your family get thru this hard time. we're all here for you. (: love you ann.

and marcus ling is freaky. he knew that i didn't go for S&W today and that i took a nap. i asked him how does he knw and his replies are making me quite fed up. lol. stupid pasta head.

now, i'll start here.
do i still love him?
haha, actually, i don't find a need to give you, "anoymous", an answer.
i think, it wouldn't make any difference.
things that i hold close to my heart, will be kept in my heart and only revealed to people that care to know my heart.
you may be an outsider who's looking at things from your point of view, but my close ones know the things going on on the inside.
they know the things i've gone through.

whether or not i love him, or whether or not i'm waiting for him, these are things that only I NEED TO KNOW.
like you said, that's of course if he feels the same.
so, what if he doesn't feel the same?
then do you know, the pain of waiting?
or do you then know the scars that pains have left behind?
do you know how it feels like?
do you know, how it feels like to wait and then realise that the person no longer feels the same or the person's changed?
if you could guarantee that the person will remain the same or will become better instead of worse, then it'll be a different story.

i'd rather hide my heart from the outside world, cos i know what's best for me.
for me, i find it unnecessary now to say "i love you/i don't love you" or "i'm waiting for you/i'm not waiting for you", cos these are personal decisions that only i myself need to know.

i've learnt this from everything that has happened:
even if you think that things are in control, they can suddenly spin out of control,
and even if you made plans yourself, your plans may not be the one that will be carried out.
you may have plans, but there may be greater plans for you that you do not know.

you can say now that i'm leaving the planning and my heart into greater hands.
(:

i know perhaps you're concerned, and thank you for caring. but these things are between him and i.
and i do not want to be reminded of this anymore okay? thanks. :)

in summary, whether or not i love him still or am waiting for him or not, are for me to know only.

things that are meant to be, they always will be.

okay, that's all i want to say.

goodnight, my head's bursting already.

OH YES, GO WATCH NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM. that show's hilarious! :p right ping dear? :)

please read in between the lines.

2007-01-02T19:52:00.000-08:00

today's just one of those days where i feel like lazing around and read a book and watch some tv. :)

school's starting tmr(ugh!), though i'm pretty much disappointed that the holidays are coming to an end, i still can't wait to see my much missed classmates. :)

i read this on emm's blog:
"You will never love someone,
or never had love someone
until you started loving that person for their flaws."

i've realised now how scared i am in "falling in love".
i daren't even think about it now. i was just telling pasta head last night that i think i've got a phobia of loving someone now.
he pretty much understands how i feel cos i think love's been quite cruel to us i guess. :x

that silly and lazy head finally took his house phone to call me after much persuasion. LAZY PIG.
but he slept earlier than normal ytd due to his concussed head and tired body which were the after effects of playing soccer with the church guys. (:

anyway, we had a nice conversation.
"take your own sweet time, and let God send you the right person before "falling in love"." ((:
yeap. i think i'll do just that.
i don't wanna try to burn memories or cry buckets full of tears after things end.

to be exact, i want my next boyfriend to be the last one and of course, my husband.

because i learned to love my dearest because of his flaws, it made it so hard to let go, to forget about everything we've built together.

so, the next time i love my dearest because of his flaws, i'll take all precautions and try to make sure as hard as i can that he wouldn't let go, and thus save me from forcing myself to forget about everything that we built together after things end.

i guess you can say i've grown tired of the never ending ups and downs a relationship can bring and i want to take a break from all that nonsense. :p

it's not because i haven't gotten over my past that i'm not ready, doc pasta says i'm "fully recovered". ((: it's just that i don't think i'm ready for anything yet.

i'm just glad and happy with how my life is right now, i'm contented with the things i have in my hands now. seriously. (:

i know with someone really reliable driving my car for me, things won't go as wrong as when i'm driving it myself. ;)

so 1 of this year's resolutions?
take my own sweet time and use that time to cherish and love the people closest to me. :DD

alrighttttttttttt, i'm about to end my post but before i go,

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY JANICE! :DD hope you're having a smashing birthday. may love, joy and laughter fill your 18th year of your life! (: much love! <3

and, to all people starting school tmr, HAVE FUNNNNNN at school okay! :D

goodbyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee for now! :P

hosanna hosanna! :DD

2007-01-01T23:59:00.000-08:00

A HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE! may 2007 be a good year for all of you. :)

this year's christmas at fraser's hill was fantabulous! no words can exactly explain how much i enjoyed the time spent with my big family.

playing charades with the kids and the adults till the wee hours of the night,
crowding with the kids around the tv to watch some pretty amazing shows,
having a deeeelicious bbq at the balcony which my uncles improvised on,
having goreng pisang, RAMLY BURGER, and hot teh tarik on the hill with many talks,
singing with them in the room,
laughing at the funny little things,
seeing so many beautiful and colourful flowers,
playing table tennis with the adults,
screaming at the silly things,
opening the many presents on christmas,
enjoying the very cold wind on my face,
and so so much more.

this trip was definitely amazing.

i can really understand why my uncle and auntie chose this place for their honeymoon. :)
it's quiet, and you see many things you don't see down there.

after this trip, fraser's is definitely on my list of "destinations for my honeymoon". i'm pretty sure my husband would love this place. :)

i reached home after traveling 7 hours in the car from taiping.
i cried when we left. somehow i've built so many memories during this short period of time and bulit so many connections. if i had a choice, i wouldn't leave.
i think this trip was too short. sigh, but life has to move on.
here are 3 pictures from my trip. :)

YES! a big big stack of christmas presents. :D

i took this 1 early morning from where we were staying. :)

the flowers are beautiful aren't they? (:

new year's was spent at our new church which hasn't been fully built yet but had many rooms already available for all of us to use.
now our church has 2 centres, one at adam and one at paya lebar.
the whole church spent new year's at paya lebar. :)
it was awesome.
we were all at church from 5 onwards till 12 plus in the morning.
i spent this new year with my bestest church friends, pingg, ling and lizz, my family, and of course the whole church.
it was awesome! :D
it was a great way to welcome 2007. :)

in 2006,
i've learned so much and i've really grown up.
2006 has been a year full of many tears and i think i've never cried so much in any year before.
but yet, these tears at the same time have been the seeds that grew into many wonderful things.
i've learned the meaning of sacrificial love and how painful it can really be,
i've experienced how it feels to really be in love and how nice it is to have that loved one beside you all the time,
i've learned how to cope with the loss of loved ones better,
i've learned to let go and let God even more in every situation of my life now,
i've learned to cherish friends and loved ones even more,
2006 has been a year of many tears, heartache, and yet a season of moulding and growing for me. it definitely had laughters and friends that made it worthwhile, but yes, there are some moments that i pray that 2007 would never have. :)

but i believe strongly in my heart that 2007 is gonna be a good year and much better year. (:
whatever that has happened in the last year, is my past, and this is a new beginning!
i hope that 2007 will be good for all of you too. :)

bring it on, 2007. (:

this is your year and i commit it to you. (:

tomato head came back safe and sound and wasn't squashed. :p and yes, she did miss you. :)

POLY RETREAT DAY.

2006-12-23T02:25:00.000-08:00

okay, now it's almost 2 in the morning and i'll be leaving for malaysia at 4am.
oh well, :)
i called silly pasta, he was already half asleep.
and he told me he'd wait for my call since i was packing. cheat my feelings. lol. :p
but i can't blame him, today's been a really busy day for both of us, jia hao and the rest who went for poly retreat day. my legs are aching like crazy!
i promised i'd call him when i reach home. :)

we had POLY RETREAT today! :D
it was fabulous! all the hard work that we've put in in planning the games paid off today but of course, we'd have to thank God for His faithfulness through this whole process. :)

it's nice to hear that all of you enjoyed the games.
marcus ling, jia hao and i definitely enjoyed planning all of this for you guys. :)

the 3 of us met the leaders early this morning at 8am, so that we could brief them on what we were gonna do. ((:
so i met jia hao, and ya, 5 minutes later, marcus ding dong came in with macdonald's breakfast. he's a stinky boy okay! he purposely did it i think! that day i was telling him over the phone of how i was craving for mac's breakfast. purposely one leh! lol
but marcus ling a ding dong looked REALLY nice with his white specs today. :D

we had 2 smashing services today, one in the morning and one in the night. p.darick preached in the morning and p.gary preached at night.
woah, i enjoyed them. there were a lot of things that spoke to me and are now deeply implanted in my life. (:

after that games from 2-5pm, i tell you, all of them had mud, water, flour, grass on their bodies.
you should see how black my shoes are. LOL.
but we all had fun, and God was faithful with the weather. :)
i tell you, flour+water ain't good. goodness. it's the most horrible combination of 2 things i think.
actually, jia hao, marcus and i were not playing the games since we're the committee and we had to conduct the games. but at the end of everything, we got dirty still.
sabo session.
i was really clean actually, until jia hao burst a water bomb on my head and i got really wet and marcus poured a lot of flour on me which was HORRIBLE! :(
dinesh threw in quite a bit of flour too.
tsk!

so at the end of the day, marcus ling and i had white hair and i was named bai xue gong zu.
boy, i dropped a lot of hair when we took our bath in church cos of the flour+water and i had to shampoo twice but it still was there. marcus still could laugh!

overall, though today's been tiring, it's been all good.
the lunch and dinner were nice too. heh. :D
just as much as i enjoyed planning it, i enjoyed watching the rest of the guys laugh and enjoying themselves more.
it's all been worth it. :D

but i realised, i'm gonna miss the boys alot. :(
it's been an amazing journey and experience working with these 2 funny boys. :)
though sometimes i get bullied(hmph!) since i'm the only girl and i'm the youngest, i still learned so much. and i would never trade this experience for anything else.
i hope there'll be a next time yeap! :D
you guys are amazing. :D

i realised a lot of things today actually,
time finally caught my utmost attention, i finally realised how fast time has passed, how fast christmas and the new year is coming at me.
personally, i'm really happy that 2007 is coming. i look forward to it actually.
2006 has been a much learning year for me. this year has been full of tears and at the same time, full of laughter and joy. this year has pushed me to my limits, to grow in a way that i least expected. when i thought i was strong, God broke me again and again, but i grew stronger each time. and i'm now here where i am, which are the results of the constant breaking of my spirit. it hasn't been a good time i admit, but hey, i'm here now. and i couldn't have done it without my God. it's been a hard year, but i've learned so much that i know that if it weren't hard, i wouldn't have learned anything.
i'm actually quite thankful now after i've gotten through everything, that it's been a hard time this whole time.

like p.gary said, this year has been a pushing and learning year for kymberly law. i've learned so much and gained so much that cannot compare to the past years.
but i realised that blessings come even when trials come.
God's given me so many people i can rely on now. i'm so thankful.

all in all, i can just say, this year has been bittersweet, but i'm still thankful that i've grown this much. (:

year 2006 i'm leaving behind cos it's all in the past now and year 2007 is gonna be an amazing year, i know.
i can feel it. and i wait in anticipation of the things that will come to pass.
i'm leaving my past behind and stepping into the future that God has planned for me.
(:

yesyes, everyone should leave everything behind and welcome the new year! :D

so, since i won't be able to wish all a merry merry christmas on the day itself, i shall wish you all now. (:

"God grant you the light in Christmas, which is faith;
the warmth of Christmas, which is love;
the belief in Christmas, which is truth;
and the all of Christmas, which is Christ."
- Wilda English.
have a merry merry christmas you all. :D

have fun and take care all! :D

pasta head, i'm sorry that i haven't been picking up your calls the past few nights. tomato head has been tired and has been sleeping really early. :p i'm sorry i made you wait so long just now and then woke you up too. i'll call you the moment i reach home okay! i'll bring back a christmas present for you. and please ah, don't be serious all the time can. i hardly saw you smile today la. so fierce and serious.
relax la. take care and till i see you soon, i'll be praying for you marcus ling. :)goodnight and see you soon. sleep tight tired boy. :D

i sure am 1 confused girl. but God's helping me somehow. (:

2006-12-20T21:36:00.000-08:00

hello there, i'm here to blog about the past few days and post a few pictures of those happenings. (:
i started off this post with the pictures of this wonderful bouquet of flowers given by dwightie because i absolutely love them.
it's been sucha long time since i've received flowers and it feels so nice to receive so many, all with different colours. (:
yeap, i went with dwightie to this NS dinner of his on last saturday. met a few of his army friends and though i felt a little uncomfortable, i still enjoyed myself.
after the whole thing, dwightie and i still walked to raffles city shopping centre's haagen daz to grab ice cream. there were closing already but we managed to still get a bowl of nice ice cream. (:
dwightie then sent me home after that which was really nice. :D
thank you dwightie, for such an awesome night and for such beautiful flowers. (:

the decorations we saw that night were beautiful. (: that's another reason why i love christmas. :D

a few pictures dwightie took of me and the flowers. :)

what a beautiful night. :D

then it was IGNYTE christmas party, "CELEBRATE!" on monday evening. (:
it was at bukit batok civil service centre, hilltop restaurant.
they booked a whole ballroom for us! it was beautiful! :D
it was a really wet evening but we were all enjoying ourselves with good music, good food, good company. (:

the amazing guys from my cell. they're so nicely dressed huh? :D

of course, the whole evening would be totally different without the bestie. :D

and there's marcus ling and ming chou. (: i've been telling marcus ling to go back to the old hairstyle and the specs. i think he looks better on the right doesn't he? so stylo, lol. :) but oh well, he still wants to stick to his contact lens, and maybe cut his hair after some time. he's always smile-less, but in real life, it's different. lol. that's why i don't like his smile-less pictures. lol.

anyway, after the whole thing, darling pingg, jeremy and i went home.
darling pingg stayed the night at my house. WHOOHOO! :D
from the time we bathed till around 2am,
darling pingg was talking to smelly and i was talking to pasta. :p
pingg scared the hell out of me when i was talking to pasta outside the toilet when she suddenly walked towards the toilet. i screamed, and pasta got a shock, thinking what happened.
LOL, we all laughed crazily after that.
since pingg put down the phone already, i finally convinced pasta to put down the phone and we ended the phone call with prayers for each other. (:

pasta: what insects are you scared of? cockroach? lizard?
me: i'll give you a clue. the stage before a butterfly.
pasta: oh, cocoon ah?!
me: *faints.

man, that conversation sure was funny. ((: pingg and i talked until we both cannot tahan and then we plopped to sleep. :D
we woke up at 12 in the afternoon yesterday. lol.
then we went down for some warm prata and it felt good since it was raining.
sigh, we were supposed to have fondue at her place but we were all feeling tired.
never mind, we'll have fondue soon! right pingg, wanling, vivien and daddy? :)
after prata, we sat around for a little while then i went to find mom where i got my haircut(my hair's super thin now.) and pingg went home to complete a photo album for her parents. i love you dear dear. :D

i slept pretty early yesterday, i'm sorry i didn't pick up your call last night marcus. i was hmm, tired and not feeling really good. but i sure am not angry with you in any way, silly. (:

i woke up pretty early today to meet the boys for the finalization of poly retreat day. now we're all set for tomorrow! YAY! :D
marcus was the latest today and i was the earliest. still don't know who's the one who told me not to be late that day. stupid pasta head. still dare to call me tomato head ah. lol.
marcus ling could still blame me for not picking up his call last night that's why he slept at 4am that's why he couldn't wake up. tsk tsk.
we all had a busy day today. we walked here there, up down, taking things, buying things, finding things. i think we're all super tired after today.
our last stop of the day was to the botanic gardens, the place where poly retreat day would be held. it was good weather and we saw many nice birds! lol. jia hao was chasing one white bird and it was really funny. lolll.
see:
(:

after that we walked back to the bus stop and went homeee. (:
the boys were gonna play soccer later with pastor gary and their friends cos their basketball game yesterday was cancelled due the heavy rain. bummer.

soon after i reached home, i got an sms, asking whether i'm okay or not and that i seemed pretty gloomy today.
i didn't think that anyone would notice.
then after the reply, he gave me a call. he said i've been thinking too much and all of this was the result of not talking nonsense with him on the phone last night.
nonsense. LOL.
but yes, i felt much better after that. i'm sure i'll be okay la. (:
maybe i've been too tired. but i'll be okay, don't worry about me. :D

i've been so busy with poly retreat and the cell bbq that i haven't had time to pack for my trip. i'm supposed to do it later cos i won't have time to do it tmr and i'll be leaving on friday early morning.
i think it'll be a good break for me. i'll miss you guys though.

and yes, i'll miss your company too. :(

i'm excited for poly retreat tmr! :D
i can't wait. :DDDDD
i believe we'll have nice dry weather. ((:

alright, i'll go pack my stuff now and sleep early.
but i'll blog again soon. take care all and much love.

if only feelings were easy to understand, then maybe i wouldn't be so confused now. and then maybe i'd know what i'm feeling. God, please help me.

rest in peace, bohan. :(

2006-12-18T03:21:00.000-08:00

i'm tireddddddddddddddddddddd..................................zzzzzzzZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz.
i finally put down the phone after talking with marcus ling for 2 hours and it's like almost 3 in the morning now.

stupid marcus didn't want to put down the phone. lol.
in the evening we were talking online, then he kept saying channel u has a nice show to watch, then he didn't want to tell me the title of the show and wanted me to go see for myself. grrrr.
in the end i got stuck to the show too and i liked it. shi mian mai fu. then the funny thing was when the show was on, we wouldn't talk but when there were advertisements, we would talk online about what we would think would happen. predictions you know? we predicted the same stuff.

we predicted that one of the 2 men who loved the same woman would die. in the end, the woman died. we laughed like crazy la. not because the woman died.(i felt pretty sad that she died cos i wanted her to end up with the good looking takeshi kaneshiro)
all our predictions were wrong. lol

then after the show, my stupid laptop couldn't get a wireless connection. and then i got a msg from marcus ling, "your connection died? LOL." then i received a call from him. then we started talking, blah blah blah.
i laughed alot. and now i'm really tired. silly.
(:

he still didn't want to stop talking on the phone even after his mom woke up and nagged at him. he put down the phone and then he called me back after that.
but i told him i'll talk to him tmr at the christmas party. (:
i'm too tiredddd la.

anyway,
i still can't believe what has happened. :(
i can't believe that i lost a friend to eternity so suddenly.
i miss you, BOHAN. your classic laughter i'll always remember.
i'm still pretty much in a state of shock. how could he have disappeared so suddenly?
like marcus said, God will hear our prayers for him and he'll be happy in heaven. (:
and i've gotta cherish what i've got now cos i could be gone tmr and any of my friends could just disappear. :'(
this has made me learn to cherish the people i love even more. i don't wanna live with regrets. i want to cherish the people that mean the world to me. this is really hard to face. life is so fragile.

i'm sure Bohan would be happy to know that he's taught us an important lesson of learning to love the people around us even more and not to take them for granted cos you might lose them anytime.

we all love you BOHAN, and we'll always remember you. always.

and i love you dear friends, to those that i hardly tell you how much you mean to me and my life, i just want you to know that this life would never be the same without you around. i love you all.

God bless, goodnight all.
(:

cos it's you and me, and all other people. (:

physio over+marcus ling+jia hao+wrong bus with both of them+far east+bestfriend+subway= HAPPY KYMBERLY. :D

2006-12-15T23:58:00.000-08:00

MARCUS LING LING LING! :D lol.
i just wanted to start off this post by thanking you. you've made me a really happy person today. (:

okayyyyyyyyyyy, ALL 4 PAPERS DOWNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! WOOHOOOOOOOOO! :D
physio paper was from 9-11am todayyy.
and most of us finished 1hour earlier. mr eddie, our handsome and charming lecturer for physiology set lesser questions than we expected. hehehe. but good la. i happy. (:

then after that, met marcus ling and jia hao and serene centre's macs. (:
LOL, jia hao is funny okay. i don't know how to put it. lol, i quarreled(not really quarrel) with him over this book and we were debating. lol. i think marcus' head was going to burst. LOL. we planned everything out and finally came up with our proposal and then found pastor gary in church and yes, our proposal has been approved! YAYY! :D
i had so much fun with them, planning, laughing like crazy people in macs and i think these 2 boys are really special. i'm glad i got a chance to work with them. i'm meeting up with them on sunday again. ((: we're pretty much excited for thursday. :)) hehehehehe.

after meeting p.gary, we walked to the bus stop and took 174. we were talking and talking and talking, enjoying the bus ride, marcus ling was sharing so much with me. from the bus stop to i don't know when. :)
apparently, we took the bus with the right number, but we took it in the opposite direction and we only realised it when we reached jurong area. we took a 174 bus back to head back to our destination, town.

marcus ling needed to get nice clothes cos his brother's getting married soon and jia hao was accompanying him and i was gonna meet my bestfriend to shop for nice clothes as well for the upcoming events. :)

sorry dear, i made you wait so long! i shouldn't have taken 174 but 171. sorrrryyyyy. i love you, you're such a sweetie. (:

so we were on the bus, and marcus ling and i sat together cos we were the ones who were really in a conversation. jia hao was listening to music and didn't talk much. so jia hao sat at another seat. the whole trip back to orchard road from boon lay interchange was filled with pretty amazing stuff.

marcus ling is a really nice person to talk to. a nice person to share your life with. it's nice to finally have someone in church whom i can really talk real stuff with other than my bestfriend and my 2 other darlings of course.

marcus ling has been in this church as long as i have, 9years. we practically grew up in trinity. we were water baptised on the same day, went through all the changes in church through all these years.
he's went through many rough patches during these few years, cried so much, felt broken so many times, but grown so much to where he is now. wrong relationships, torture, sadness, hurts, so much. but now, i see him so strong, impacting lives, changed.

the things that he shared with me, are countless. and i thought it was hard for me this whole time. but now, i realised, no. it was hard, but it ain't as hard as marcus' life.
i am amazed, how God has changed his life. :)
i am even more amazed at how similar our life is. really. like really same.

it was this similarity that led me to open up to him. to say things that i'd never share with church friends. things that i've kept inside for a really long time. things that i wouldn't imagine sharing with a person that i've just recently known. he listened attentively, i knew he could relate. he understood. it was a lot of spiritual stuff. but he's went through a lot. seriously. i am really encouraged by his life. (: but after everything, we both agreed on one thing:

we've both become stronger. not because we were comfortable with where our lives were, but we were placed in the most uncomfortable situations and bent to an extent that hurt so much that we felt as if we couldn''t bear it any longer. that's what made us stronger, cos it didn't break us. now we're stronger, right marcus? :)

we talked about alot la. we didn't stop during the whole bus ride can. lol. jia hao was listening to his music. lol.

don't worry marcus, my focus is right. and i know what i've to do. i know i can spend time doing things that matter to me, like planning poly retreat day with you guys and many more stuff. don't worry. (: moreover, your talk with me today has opened my views to much more. (: thank you.

the last thing that marcus said to me was something that i felt really touched by. because i've never heard anyone in church say this to me,

"i know it can be hard. but anytime you feel that you can't share anything with anyone in church, don't feel that way. you can always call me to talk, i'll be there to listen."

thank you marcus ling. :DD this bus ride would be unforgettable.

so, in the end, we finally reached orchard and we walked to far east where i met pingg dearie. (: then 4 of us went to subway to eat. jia hao and marcus' friend later joined us and when we finished, we went our separate ways. marcus was looking for a blazer and i called him when i saw this shop selling quite nice blazers and he came back from wisma to take a look. pingg and i left while they were taking a look cos pingg has a test tmr. :( JIA YOU DEARR! :D apparently, marcus bought his blazer from there. although i don't know how it looks like, i'm gonna see it on monday night during the christmas party. heheeheheh. (:

so pingggg and i went homee, it was a short but nice time spent with my bestfriend. :)
i love you dearie. I LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEE YOUUUUUU. :D

so that sums the day up. tmr's the dinner with dwightie. hehe. yayyyyy to meeting dwightie. :))))

so to end it all off, i feel really blessed, happy, i don't know. everything la. everything that makes a heart happy and rejoiceful. :)

Jesus, take the wheel.

i'll stop the world and melt with you.

my answer is you. (:

2006-12-14T17:47:00.000-08:00

HELLO. :)
3 papers down! 1 more to go. :s
i've been feeling stressed out recently. :(
now i'm worrying about physio paper tomorrow and worrying about the games for poly outing day. i'm meeting jia hao and marcus tmr after my last paper(YAY!:D) and we're supposed to have gotten our games ready. i've got a list of them. but i don't think they're good enough. but on the other hand i'm tired and i'm not even halfway through physio revision.
lack of sleep, that's what i'm having.
today's paper was alright. actually i find the past few papers pretty alright.
okay, never mind. it'll be over soon! and partying can start! :D

putri sayangg, huan qing and i went to suntec today after the paper to get qing's boyfriend's and my friend's birthday present. :)
putri sayangg left after awhile. we had nice pretzels. lol. i had a green tea one. which i fell in love with after my bestfriend fed it to me a few years ago. lol. :)i still remember that so clearly.
so qing and i looked around.
i bought my friend's present and after a long long time, we finally found something for her boyfriend. :) i'll hit him if he doesn't like it. she spent so much time worrying and looking for the perfect present la. lol. but i'm sure he will, i'm sure. :)
i had a nice time walking around. it was a nice time to destress. hehehehe.

and yesterday, dwightie made me laugh like crazy!

see, dwightie, on tuesday or wednesday(i can't remember), asked me to be his date on saturday night for a social night dinner that his wing commander was holding since they're all finishing their course soon. :)
he said if he didn't have a date, he'll be confined in camp. LOL.

so yes, i'll be going with him. ((: though i feel a little awkward and weird, cos yeah, i'll be in a very weird environment i think. but it's alright, cos dwight'll be around. (:

sigh, i've yet to get a dress or something nice to wear on saturday. but it's okay, bestie's going shopping with me soon for our christmas party on next monday(YAY!) and for that dinner. worse come to worse, dwightie will go shopping with me on saturday afternoon right dwightie? :DD

so yesterday, mom was being a normal mom. she was ummm, yes worried. she asked me to ask dwightie to sms her and reassure and promise her that he'll look after me and bring me home safely. lol. she was really serious about it. i think she was really worried.

so i told dwightie, and he smsed her. my mom read his sms to me and i laughed like crazy. "Hi Ma'am, thanks ma'am." LOLLLL. there were really funny things he said inside which i thought were really cute. i read mom's reply to him, and i almost cried. i love you mom. :)

dwightie really knows how to make me laugh. :D
see you soon, dwightie. :)

so, as you can see, tests have been stressful, but i still feel really blessed, really really blessed. :)

oh yes, ONG! i'll reply you here. your tag on my blog made me feel really touched. i am really glad that you've grown to know the Lord in such an intimacy. it shows me that a little work done in the past may be insignificant at that time but a small seed sown can grow into something greater in the future. i'm really encouraged by how you've grown. continue to grow and know the Lord better okay! :D take care! :D

i've grown to see, that pain can really push a person beyond his/her limits. i've learned that love's not the only thing that keeps 2 people together as people always claim. but, i've also learned that whatever doesn't break you, makes you even stronger.

it's alright if love's not the only thing that keeps 2 people together, it may be good circumstances that keep them together, bad circumstances may pull them apart. but then again, they grow to be stronger people and men and women with greater maturity. and they'll learn to love their next partner with a greater love and maturity which of course, if it was the right partner, nothing would pull them apart.

if we only look at the bad things happening, you'll only find yourself wallowing in self pity and misery. it may be difficult at times, but hey. if we look beyond the bad stuff, and learn to grasp the good things happening in our life now and the good things that will happen in the future, things will feel a lot better. bad stuff will always be there, but good things will also always be there. choose which one you want to focus on. (:

i've grown so much and after everything, i've learned to see the truth of one simple thing.

a loving Father would not take something away from you unless He has something better for you. (:

goodbye people, to all classmates and people taking tests, it's gonna be over soon! jia you! :DD
<3

RAIN IS COMING TO SINGAPORE!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
i really wanna go see him! but the tickets are super ex and i've got no one to go with. :( but i still wanna go! anyone up for it? :)

my answer is you. you're the hope that my heart is holding on to, skeptics won't understand, it's strange from the world's point of view.

:s :)) :D

2006-12-10T11:45:00.000-08:00

hello,
recently things have been HECTIC but nothing's takin away my joy. (:
i've been studying, sleeping, and playing quite a lot still. :x
friday we had touch rug session.
it was fun! but MUDDY. :S
i was really dirty after everything la.
lol, but that session was really fun compared to the others.

and after that session, i woke up yesterday with a lot of aches here and there.
i attended mummy's colleague's wedding in the morning with her yesterday.
it was at St. Joseph's Church! it's a really big and nice church. :)
the wedding was of catholic tradition.
it was my first time seeing this so it was pretty cool, though i was hungry. lol.
after that we had food, and then we headed home and soon after i went to churchh. :)
met lingg and pingg and had service. woahwoahwoah.
i love having my girls around. :D
there wasn't any fuel yesterday so jia hao, marcus and i (poly retreat committee) headed down to the park near church to take a look at the place so that we'll know how to plan stuff. it was super far la. but the boys are super funny, esp jia hao. though sometimes marcus and i didn't get what he was saying. LOL.

i'm pretty surprised that marcus remembers that we got water baptised on the same day and that his sister has the same baptism name as me. :) after so long.

anyway, though the park's far, it's a really nice place and i'm sure we're all gonna have fun there. :D
we'll all come up with some NICEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE games for you guys. hehehehehe.
i know some of you are REALLY bummed out that you can't go for camp today (JUST LIKE ME.), but hey, i think poly retreat is gonna be a great time just for us too yeap? (:

*DEAR, I LOVE YOU TOO. MUCH MORE THAN THE STARS IN THE BIG BIG SKY. THANK YOU DEAR, FOR MAKING MY DAY. love love love love love love love you. :D ehehhehehe.

i ended my day yesterday with meatball spaghetti in my tummy(thank you mummy. :D) and a big big smile on my face. :)

so today's sundayyyyyyyyyyyyy, and jeremy's leaving for IGNYTE camp later. i'm :) cos i'm sure Jeremy's gonna have a good time. i'm :( cos i can't go, thanks to term tests! ARGH.
but it's okayy. cos there's still poly retreat day. i'm gonna miss you brother. :((

alright, tomorrow's maths paper and the week of tests are coming upppppppp. :(
please pray for me! i'm gonna go study nowwwwwww.

byebye! take care all, and to all classmates and poly students having tests, i'm sure you guys will do well! JIA YOU! don't give up okay! :D

OH THE JOY OF CHRISTMAS! :DDDD

my love letter for you. (:

2006-12-06T13:33:00.000-08:00

my dearest baby,

to the man of my life that i'm gonna meet in the future, this letter is for you.
and someday when i do meet you, i hope you'll read this. (:

you know, i've made so many mistakes in this life.
i've collected memories that i shouldn't have.
i've cried tears for people whom i shouldn't have cried over.

i know when i meet you, you'll be the best of the best(to me of course.).
and when i meet you, our memories would beat all the rest,
our love would be the sweetest that i would ever feel.
i would never want any other than you.

i know i've had many regrets till now.
i should have waited for you, the right person,
i'm sorry baby, that i didn't spend this time waiting for you.
i may not know you now, but i know when i do in the future, you'll be the bestest.
better than all the rest in the past.
you'll make me happier than all the rest, feel more loved than the rest.
i know you're worth waiting for.

though i have many regrets, and i've went through some hard and torturing times,
if this is what God is doing to mould me so that i can be the best woman for you,
then it's all worth it.
i know when i do meet you and you hear me say, i've gone through so much to get to you,
you'll say "i'm so proud of you."

i can't wait to meet you,
but i will wait cos it'll be worth it i'm sure.
during this time, i will let God mould me into a better person, to love you, to take care of you.
and during this time, wherever you are, i know He is moulding you into a great man too.

i've been praying everyday for you.
i don't envy others who're in a relationship now, i'm happy for them.
and i look forward to being as happy as that.
and i know i will be when i do meet you.

and till that time comes, when God makes our 2 worlds collide, i'll be waiting.
and i'll be living my life to the fullest too and i hope you will too. :D

i'll be waiting for you.

love,
kymberly.

that was pretty random. lol
i'm feeling bored. this may seem silly to you, but it's okay.
hehe, it makes me feel happy and expectant.
:ppppppppppppp
just a few of my thoughts during the past few days.

okay, tests are next wk. arghhhhhhhhhhhhhghghghhg. :(
but never mind, after that, it's freedom! for awhile. lol. :)
poly outing day and christmas party and holiday! :D

so.... now i've gotta go work hard so that i can relax in peace knowing that i've worked hard enough for my hols. :D hehehehhehe
poly people jia you okay! (:

sayangg, don't stress okay. take things easy. i know you can do it. :D i loveeeeeeee you sayang! (:

byebye. (:

if God can take my life's ashes and make them beautiful, He can for you too. (:

joyful, joyful.

2006-12-02T02:39:00.000-08:00

hello there! :)
i'm here to blog after hmmm, some time?
i've been busy with a lot and as some of you know, TERM TESTS are coming! :(
and i'm gonna be planning the games for poly outing day with marcus and jia hao.
busy busy busy!
oh well, i'll just take it as it comes. (:

overall, through all the stress and tiredness,
i am a really happy girl and lately, on most nights i sleep with a smile on my face. (:

let's see, on wednesday, i went to find mom after school. (:
lol, i went to make my new specs(YAY!). i haven't changed my specs since sec 1. heh
and i really like my new one. (:
mom bought subway for me to eat. and i went to her office to eat.
heh. then now it's like they're planning for some events and this guy from her office was super funny. i kept laughing when he talked luh. he didn't talk like an adult. he felt more like a friend.
i laughed like crazy and mom did too.
i love being with mom. (:
i waited for mom to finish work and then dad came to pick us up. then we went home together. :D

wednesday was a good day. (:

then thursday, we wenttt......................

ICE SKATING! :D
lol, it was FUN with my girls, huan qing, ann and putri sayangg.
though many times i almost fell and some of us fell,
we had fun learning, screaming and laughing. lol.
it was really memorable.
:D
it was really cold there, and i kept sneezing.
huan qing is really a good teacher! lol.
she patiently taught us. ((:
we skated for 5 hours and then went home for dinner.
we skated till our feet were numb and painful. aiya, but who cares la. hehehe.
we had dragon beard candy before going home. it was my first time eating it and it was really nice! i REALLLLLLLLY like it! lol. (:
i went home and i slept super early since i was tired and already not feeling very well.
anyway, it was a really good time i had with them.
and i just wanna sayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy,

you girls really make me very happy. through the downs and then the ups, you've been there with me and for me.
i thank God for placing all of you in my life. the times when i've broken down and cried in the past, though now it seems like it's long gone,
i remember them so clearly, how you guys were there for me.
you guys are really a great blessing from God to me. (:
i love you all so so much and whatever we've gone through together, i believe, has made us much stronger than the past. (:
thank you girls. (:
let's go ice skating again soon okay! :D
heh, these memories i'll always keep. big hugs to the 3 of you! :D

and today,
had school, some upsetting thing happened, but everything's alright now. ((:
then went to church for combined L cell with Pastor Gary.
this would be our "last" combined L cell cos some of would be moving to Paya Lebar soon.
it was a good time of listening and learning stuff.
then our cell went to eat at adam hawker.
it was sister cheryl's treat today. :)
thank you Sister Cheryl! :D
i was just talking to felix on our walk back to the bus stop about how fast time has passed.
it was like just yesterday when we got to know each other back in pri 2 or 3.
lol, it's been a long time, felix. (:
and we're finally all grown up now but still friends like before and fellow leaders. (:
it's been a looooooong time and i'm glad i have an old friend in church who until now is still serving and have not fallen away from God. (:

you see, like the yesterday was today, the present soon will also become the past.
your hurts, will become part of your past as well.
i remember always telling God during that period of time, i don't think i can make it through. it seems so difficult.
but now, looking at it, it seems so far away. and i have made it through, and i'm stronger than before.
and all of that now is in my past, and i'm only looking toward my future and i know it's brighter than before.
i remember God telling me to leave the past behind when i stubbornly couldn't. when i wanted to hold on to what i thought was best for me.
but hey, God knows the best for me isn't it? lol.
i remember saying that it was so tough, and a great torture.
but finally, i let go of everything, cos yeap, i trust myself, but i trust my God much much more.

i trust that the plans that He has are better than the plans i have for my life.
they say love is blind,
but i think i'd agree more if the person said faith is like being blind, not knowing where to go, stuck in a dark and cold place and just feeling lost.
but when you hear a voice and recognise that that's the person you know you can trust and love, you don't worry, you're not afraid, and you have faith.
and you leave everything behind when He says you should.
and you hold on to His hand so tightly even though you're blind.
and finally, He leads you out of everything. He gives you joy that the world can't give, love that doesn't lead to regrets, greater love than anything on this earth.
that's how it feels to me, having faith in God.

i don't look in anticipation of how the past will come back to life in the present,
cos nope, i've already left all of it behind. all sadness, all worries, all in the past.
i look in anticipation of the new things that are about to happen and blow me away.
i knw i won't regret this for sure. (:

in everything, all trials, all hardships,
all hurt me, all made me feel so broken, but i know that God had a purpose.
i may have been broken, i may have felt tired, but i'm not anymore.
i'm strong now, and whole again, moving on in the direction where God is pointing me to.
but i'm really thankful that through all those trials, He was with me and was faithful.
He placed so many amazing people in my life to encourage me and comfort me.
this is His great love for me.

i know now, that whatever happens in this life, i'm gonna be stronger and stronger.
and happier and happier. (:
i pray for all those who are going through a hard time now,
that you will reach beyond your pain and see the positive side of things.
i pray that a comfort and peace will come to you like it came to me.
be happy. :D

alright,
i'm tired now, it's been a long day and night and it's gonna be a longer weekend with all the packing and stuff, lol,
so goodnight world!
all have a good weekend ahead okay! (:
bye!

whatever would i have done without You? what a joy you've given me. (:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you, not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11

the 11th of November 2006

2006-11-27T23:32:00.000-08:00

HELLO! :D

i'm finally back to blog about my sweetest seventeeth birthday.

okay, i'm really sorry about the delay. sorry sorry sorry. (:

after this post, perhaps after the tests or something then i'll blog.

hm, maybe a few posts in between la. haha. i don't know.

okay, let's start. lol, this 17th birthday of mine seemed to carry on for days.

i blew 4 cakes and cut 4 cakes in all. lol.

the celebration kicked off on thursday, 9/11/06.

school was great and everything. we had maths lecture from 8-10am and then according to the timetable, we're supposed to have 2 hours break and then come back for an hour of chem lecture and that would be the end of the day.

so, usually, on thursdays, we'd go out and eat breakfast. we usually go to kap Macs.

putri sayangg and brandon didn't go to school that day.

so after lecture, ann suggested that we go to bukit panjang plaza to eat at swensens instead of Macs.

i didn't expect anything, seriously. lol. was pretty cool to go there to eat cos i've never been to bukit panjang plaza before.

lol, in the end qing said she was meeting up with her friend for awhile to take something from her. lol.

they were acting fishy already. ahaha.

and then, she came back with a small little mango cake and i was super touched. lol.

we all ate nice spaghetti and then in the end, we lost track of time so we didn't go back for chem lecture in the end. lol.

so, we went our separate ways after that.

just before i end this section, i just wanna say, i love my 2 girls so much. really. thank you! :D

then at night,

it was double celebration, cos ren and i were celebrating both our sweet 17s. :)
yes, it's ren, my childhood friend from like p3 till now. lol.

we finally met up! :D

his birthday was on 1/11/06 so we celebrated both our birthdays together.

we went to harbourfront centre first, went to see my mom and then we went to eat sakae sushi! ehehehe.

we ate and talked about so much. it's amazing to see how much you've learned and changed.

i'm glad to say that i'm really proud of you, ren. (:

we ate till we were full but still up for dessert. lol.

ren paid for our meals, which i didn't like, but he insisted since he said he didn't get me anything for my birthday while i did.

i still thought it was sweet. :)

after that, we went to vivo city to eat haagen dazzzzz! :D

yummyy! so we took the 2 scoops ice cream with 2 toppings of choice.

lol. ren ordered green tea and he said he wanted banana and caramel for toppings.

for some reason, i found it super funny and the people who knew his order were like laughing.

i was laughing non stop! lol.

in the end he changed the order but it was still a good laugh.

for this, he also paid for my portion. stubborn boy.

oh well. lol. :D

then it was late and all the shops were closing. ren sent me home though he had work the next day. ((:

ren promised me that he'll go back to vivo city with me one day to play water. lol.

anyway, i really enjoyed that time with him. (:

ren, thank you. *big hugs! :D

saturday, 11th of november 2006.

my birthday! :p

my family and i woke up super early and headed to sentosa with darling pingg as well.

i swam with the dolphins and i was a reallllllllllllyyyyyyyyy happy girl! :D

it was an amazing experience, i'll never ever forget it.

we then played the luge and sat the skylifts a few times before it started raining heavily. lol.

very fun too! :D

then we headed to vivo city to eat earle swensens! :D

woah! the food was really amazing! i had a free cake from them for my birthday. :D

we ate happily and they sang a birthday song when the cake came. (:

eating there was incredible, being with my family and my bestie there, made it unforgettable. (:

after that we headed home cos i needed to get ready to go to church. (:

so i left for church after getting ready and everything and then after service, my cellmates and leaders all surprised lynn(another november baby :D) and me with a really nice cake and cards with msges written by all of them to us. so sweet can! :D lol, they prayed for us too and i love you all. thank you for planning all this. :) hhehehe.

after that, lizz, ling and i met daniel chia and eugene sin at the church bus stop, then we took a bus to Mad Jack's. :D

rosalin was already there, and then gonaidi daddy, wanling and pingg arrived and then followed by crenshaw. :D

the food was good and the company was definitely greater than anything else.

when i sat there, the thoughts that filled my mind were "i am so blessed to have all of them around me on that day to celebrate with me."

gonaidi daddy, wanling and pingg bought a mango cake for me and Mad Jacks dimmed the lights as the people there brought out the cake with the lighted candles and the birthday song came along. (:

and after a good time together, we headed our separate ways.

i went home and there was another cake awaiting me.

lol, pingg went home with me. lol. (:

it was a really sweet time with my family. then opening of the presents which overall, was an amazing way to end the day. (:

sunday 12/11/06,

i met emm, karen and lynette for lunch at swensens to celebrate emm's and my birthday. LOL. i ate at swensens 3 times in that week. but the food's still good.

it was a nice time of catching up. (: thank you! :D

wednesday 15/11/06,

i met brudder after school and we went to eat long john silver to sorta celebrate my birthday. lol.

i had a really good time, as usual. (:

okay, that's where all the celebration ended. (:

and, after everything, i just wanna say, a big thank you to:

Ben, Rosalin, Ping dearest, Hui Xin, Wanling, Ren, Lizz, Eugene Kor, Yufang, Daniel Chia, Karen, Shiaw Ting, Enming, Putri, Litong, Amy Kim, Brudder, Wei San, Gan Ma, Felicia Nah, Yi Ling, Beverly, Sian Ku, Raphael, Dwightie, Huan Qing, Liang Yan, Chee Fun, Emm, Papa, Min Hui, Kok Hoe, Sister Cheryl, Brandon Ong, Ann, Clement Ong, Vivien, Shan Shan, Jian Ming, Christina Ng, Prissy and Xian Neng for your really nice smses, online and friendster wishes! :D

and to:

Pingg, Lizz, Yi Ling, Wanling, Gonaidi daddy, Daniel Chia, Eugene Sin, Crenshaw and Rosalin for celebrating my birthday with me at Mad Jack's.

i really appreciate you guys spending time with me. really. (:

you all made my birthday a really unforgettable one.

-pingg dearie, i love you. thank you for spending that whole day with me and doing so much just to make me happy. thank you for that pretty collage in that frame and the vcd! :D words wouldn't be able to describe what you've given me. (: i love you!

-lizz, thank you lizz, for your really nice art work. (: it's really special to me! love you muchie! (:

-lingg, thank you for taking time out just to spend my birthday with me. you're a sweetheart! :D and you know i love you too! :)

-wanlingg, thank you for all! :D for those really nice earrings and necklace! they're exactly the kinds i love! (: thank you for making time for me and for the wonderful cake as well. love love! :D

-gonaidi daddy, thank you for spending time with me daddy. thank you for the cake and the really nice prints notebook. (:

-vivien, though you couldn't join us, it's alright. (: hehe. thank you for getting me such a nice book with gonaidi. (: i really appreciate it! :D

-rosalin, thank you kak. for celebrating the many birthdays with me from the start. thank you for the nice pillow. i love you. (:

-crenshaw, thank you for always being there for me to celebrate my birthday. thank you for never forgetting. the book's really cute! it really goes to show how much you know me cos not a lot of people know what kind of books i love to read. thank you cren. :D

-daniel chia, mastress! lol. thank you for that really nice watch and for being a real sweetie pie. i wish happiness for you. thank you for everything. (:

-eugene kor, i love the chocolates! thank you for everything. (: *hugs!

-huan qing, i love you girl! lol! thank you for the surprise and for all that you've done for me since the time i've known you. thank you for the earrings and necklace. *mwahks! :D

-ann, and i love you too girl! lol. thank you for being that girl that i can always share spiritual stuff with and always encouraging me to draw strength from a great source. :) thank you for the 3-in-1 bracelet, handphone keychain and pendant thingy. thank you for all you've done for me! :)

-putri sayangg, thank you for the pretty flower sayangg and for even remembering how much i love it. i love you sayangg, thank you for being so thoughtful and encouraging all the time. i love you sayangg!

-ren, thank you for spending that day out with me and for the meals. nothing can describe how i feel. so yes, i just wanna say thank you. (:

-brudder, thank you for the hannah montana cd and for celebrating my birthday with me! LOL. most importantly, i just want to thank you for the countless laughters you've given me all this time. it would have been harder for me, really. i love you brudder! :D

-enming, thank you for your body shop gift. it smells heavenly. thank you. (:

-jeanette lim, thank you for remembering birthday! and for even such sweet gifts. you go girl! :D

-thank you emm, karen and lynn for celebrating with me. :D i love you guys!

-thank you chaibee and benjamin for the cute soft toy. hehehe. :)

last but not least,

thank you mummy, daddy, chrissy and jeremy, for being the most amazing family ever. i wouldn't exchange anything for you guys. i won't want to just thank you for your gifts or all you guys have done on my birthday for me. i also want to thank you for all the love you've given me all this time and for making me feel so very special, not only on my birthday, but all the time. i feel so blessed. and i love you all so so much. i thank God i have you all. really really!

thank you all, for making this birthday so memorable. thank you thank you thank you! :D

alright, i'm sorry that this entry is superbly long. :x

my gratitude to all just can't be contained in this entry and i've tried my best to make it as short as possible.

and i'm sorry if i've left anyone out. yeap. (:

so after all that i've said,

HANDS DOWN, THIS IS THE BESTEST BIRTHDAY I'VE EVER EVER HAD. :)

goodnight everyone. :D

God, it's been a good 17 years with You, and it's gonna be another many more amazing years with You. thank You for being the reason i live.

:D

2006-11-25T14:57:00.000-08:00

okay. :D
i am happy today. very. :D
i know from today onwards, i'm gonna be okay.
nothing's gonna bring me down anymore.
and this time, i'm really serious! i'm leaving everything behind. and i'm gonna burn that bridge to the past. ((:

last night, i slept at like 8 and i woke up at 8 plus today to go to the dentist cos a rubber band in my mouth snapped. lol.
i was reading my book and listening to some really nice music sang by little kids. i loved it. (:
that book is really amazing. WOAH!
this thing that the author wrote in this book really made a big impact to me.
yeah, you think your plans are greater than God's plans for you? think twice. when has God ever disappointed you. He always shocks you when you think that His plans aren't as good as yours right?
yeap. i've been thinking, this is what i really want. these are the best plans for my life.
but nope, these plans aren't the greatest unless they are God's.
so i'm letting go of my plans and i'm sure there are greater ones coming! :D
i've been miserable because maybe it was a lack of trust or maybe i just couldn't let go of what i thought was "best" for me.
i've been too stubborn.

but hey, i'm gonna be better than fine now. cos i know no matter what happens, God's greater plans will bring me more joy than anything in the end. (:
i find myself smiling more often now when i think of the future and i know there has been a change inside somehow.
i'm really amazed by God's power. (:

so all those who are worried about me, don't okay?
cos there's nothing to worry about anymore.
cos i'm in safe and good hands. (:

okay, i've gotta go pack my stuff now. cos my house's renovations are starting soon and i've gotta pack!
mom's screaming at me already. LOL.
so until the next time, goodbye everyone!

believe that prayer changes things, and don't give up, no matter how bad your situation is. (: God knows, and He will change things. smile! :D

i love You so much.

hello there. (:

2006-11-24T10:32:00.000-08:00

hello yello there. (:

i'm in school now, with jeanette, daryl, yuen ting and eliza, my CATS group. :)

we're all supposed to be doing our project but we're all busy doing other things. lol.

daryl's hardworking luh. he's typing out some of the ideas.

so speaking of daryl,

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY DARYL! :D (23/11/06)

though you look older than 17, and look super chao lao, it's okay la. (:

lol, we all still love you. LOLLLLLLLLLL.

okay, i hope as you grow older, you'll look younger and you'll grow wiser. hehehehe.

i am pretty happy today because i read a book last night and this morning.

it really relates to a lot that i'm going through now.

and moreover i met Pastor Gary yesterday(like finally).

we talked about a lot and i think a lot of things are falling into place piece by piece.

i know i'm gonna get through this somehow.

i feel stronger now. like Pastor Gary said, i've been stuck here for too long(since april). and if i don't start moving again, i'm gonna be left behind.

((:

so i'm gonna move on now. hehhhh.

i hope the people around me and you, will be stronger too.

don't let sad things irritate you or make you angry.

it's just not worth it. okay? be happy okay. don't be angry. :D

alright, i'm going off now. gonna do the project now. (:

bye!

"i don't need to put my life on hold until i've got someone to hold."

You're bringing me to a place i've never known. (:

i was a fool in love, but i'm not now.

2006-11-22T23:26:00.000-08:00

i can't believe i broke down 2 times today.
i'm sorry to the 2 people, but thank you as well.

i met brudder today,
i'm sorry that i kept quiet almost throughout the whole journey,
and i'm sorry that we didn't go and eat in the end.
we were supposed to go have dinner, but i wasn't in the mood.
in the end we landed up at my house's void deck, walking in the mild rain,
walking on and on to the bubble tea store.
in the end, we walked back and sat down to talk.

i'm sorry for not being able to get out of this mess.
i find it really hard, really really hard.

but, talking to brudder really helps.
talking about memories that you can't forget,
talking about things you regret,
talking about things you feel the most sad about.
talking about things that you really feel deep inside that other people would despise.
i know i'm silly, but i've been thinking, if my purpose in life is to go through torture and pain, then it'll be better if i'm gone right? wouldn't everything be better then?
i've been thinking about this for so long, but i choose to keep quiet. i know not everyone would understand.
but now, talking about it to you who understands only makes it all better.
i know i shouldn't think that way, i know i'll be stronger. i know i'll stand up somehow.
and i know my purpose isn't that. it's just a big lie.

it really makes me feel so much better.
the silly things you say that make me laugh seem to be uncountable you know.
lol. (:
though brudder, i thought you'd be bored, but in the midst of everything, you make me feel really lucky and blessed.
it's really nice to have someone to listen and to know what to say and to comfort.
thank you, really. <3333

it's really scary, cos 2 people said the same thing to me.
["always learn to let go as u learn how to take up"
its always hard to let go, but if u dun let go of this barrier, God's blessings cannot come through to you.]
thank you pris, and ann. (:

as how i've taken this up, i know i will learn to let go.
i guess i've been blinded by too many things.
i've been too tired, been too depressed.
everytime i feel as if i'm strong, the next moment i crumble.
but i know i will let go of all this sooner or later. just give me some time.
i've been blocking out God's blessings, cos i choose to be blind, to hide myself.
i've been too silly.
i've been a fool in love, a fool who loves someone who no longer loves me, someone who isn't willing to fight for me, who regrets, but doesn't want to turn back.
i always thought "maybe i'm not worth it."
yeap. maybe i am, but even if i'm not worth it to one person, i'll still be "worth it" to other people right? (:

i thank God that i have friends like you that have opened my eyes, not to see my situations, but to see the way i've been acting in response to my situations.
it's been a big burden i've been carrying all this time.
too many memories, heartache, tears, thoughts, lies.
but i'm laying it down at the feet of Jesus now.
yes ann, i'm gonna say "i surrender all, Jesus."
cos now i'm way to tired.
i don't know when all this is going to end, but just like He told me,
"just be strong. a little while more, a little while more.
though sometimes i feel i can't be strong anymore, i'll still pick myself up and continue to walk till the day when i can stop walking. i'll be strong, and gain strength from God.
no matter how things go, it's okay now.
i don't wanna think about these things, but instead now, it's time to nurse my heart.
it feels as if it's been trampled over and over again.
but i won't let it be now.
(:

i'm gonna be stronger and be more optimistic from now on.
and, i'd appreciate it if you guys wouldn't talk about him to me from now on, unless of course i talk to you about it. lol
it'll be a great help to me.
and after all the time has passed, then when i can talk about it and say that "it's my past" and "it no longer matters to me now" and "it doesn't affect me", then we'll talk about it. (:
now, just help me okay? (:

don't worry, i'm gonna be fine. just give me a little time.
:D

thank you ann, thank you brudder, thank you qing, thank you pris, for not only stepping in during this period of time, but also knowing how to get me through this difficult period of time.
i love all of you very much. (:

goodnight everyone,
i'm gonna sleep now.
I AM GOONG CRAZY. lol. i love that show! :p

God, please let this end soon, and help me stand strong, it's been very very hard Lord. please let this end soon. Amen.

this is it.

2006-11-20T22:56:00.000-08:00

i was so silly today.
i shared my problems to qing, of how thoughts have been filling my mind.
of how much i miss you, of how much i wished that only both of us existed and at least, we could be together. and of so many "what ifs".
how much it pains me.
"no matter how much we quarreled, i still knew that i wouldn't be able to do without him. but in the end, i still had to do without him."

i used to wish that you could have left me for another reason.
okay, maybe not for another girl, but for some other reason.
at least it would kill my feelings.
the truth is, after so long, i still love you. i still love you, so so much.
and i hate the memories that come back to me everytime.
i find myself tearing when i think about those really nice times, but at the same time, i hold on so dearly to them cos that's the only thing i have left of you.
and i may never have these same memories ever again.
i always promise myself to never cry again, but i always do. i always do.
i wish i could control it. but i miss you so much. i miss the times when i could look at you when you were sleeping, or can play silly things with you, i miss having simple dinners with you, i miss having bubble tea and heh mee with you, i just miss you. your small eyed smile, your smile that makes me forget so much worries.
i dream of you now and then, and when i wake up, i hate myself for dreaming of you, cos i know you're never coming back.

but today, one tight slap came to me, waking me up to reality.
yeah, i don't love you now, i love the you in the past.
i miss that person. and now, i'll just take it as he died, and he's never coming back. cos you say you've changed.
why are you so silly? how could a person just stop loving you just because she says that she wants to?
feelings aren't easy to forget although i wish they were easy to.
i've been strong all this time, i say i won't cry, but i'll watch you cry. but in the quiet, i'll still end up crying.
i won't leave your side, and i want to be there for you till the end of time.
that's what i'd always think. i want to be strong for you, and i still want to love you.
but i woke up today, i've been holding on to something that has already left my side.
that no longer loves me the way he did.
i've been giving you so much, silently. i make the first move in talking to you even if your nick is "no mood" or some really depressing thing.
you know, even before i type something, i get scared. cos i know i may get hurt again.
but i pluck up my courage. i just want to see you smile, make you happy.
and you know, that day when i fell, i'd think, if i could just hear your voice, i don't mind falling a few more times. lol.

i always say "the most impt thing is that you're happy." but even as i say that, i can feel so much pain inside.
as much as i want to see you happy, i sometimes wish that i was the one who was always making you happy.

i don't say things, it doesn't mean i don't feel them.
all this time when i've been trying my best, all you do is return with really cold replies.
i guess, i've been so dumb all this time.
i can't believe how badly i'm tearing while i'm typing all these out.

it's okay, i've woken up today. i guess i should really let go.
whatever i wish for, is now impossible.
what's in the past, will be left in the past.
and what's in the future, i only look forward to the time when i'll meet someone new, someone who can make me smile, make me happy, make me feel that bliss i felt in the past when i was with you.
all i know is that someone, can no longer be you.

i guess i've been suffering quietly alone. you're the one who meant so much to me. more than anyone ever has.
but from today, it is goodbye without turning back.
i've killed all hopes for anything now.
and for the last time, i'm gonna say this,
i love you, enming. even from the start till today, i still love you like before. and nothing has changed since then.
but i won't say this anymore because i'm moving on cos i know you can no longer be mine and i can no longer be yours.
i just hope i can see you smile more often now, and lead a happy life.
and i promise i will, so you won't have to worry about me anymore. (:

and i promise, no matter how hard it is to walk away from you, i will still do it.
i'll force myself to.
it was love that brought us together, and now, love is also the one that's pulling us apart.

study hard, make your parents proud.
i know you always get worried when exams are around the corner, don't call yourself stupid. cos you're not. i think you're amazing.
really. (:
i pray that you'll never forget how good God has been to you.
i hope that you'll be a happy little boy from today onwards.

goodbye, enming. from now till a long long time, goodbye.
take care baby.
i pray i'll not miss you anymore.

goodbye, and for the last-est time, i love you baby, i love you.

goodbye.

God, please help me to be strong through the times that i think i can't. thank You.

DWIGHTIE = :D

2006-11-19T22:14:00.000-08:00

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

hello there, i'm here to blog again.
i've finished my assignments (YAY!) and i met dwightie today. (DOUBLE YAY!).
i met dwightie for lunch and omgoodness, i just found out that dwightie's younger brother is exactly the same age as me. that means he was born on the 11/11/1989 as well.
:D
LOL. (:

we went to eat mad jack's again. i've eaten that 3 times in this month already but oh well. it's still nice to me. heh.
and then we headed off to island creamery for MUDPIEEEEEEEE! :D
hehehehehehe.
he was telling me about how camp's like and stuff.
some stuff really made me laugh like crazy! hhaha. (:
i see dwightie turning into a real man now you know. :)
hehh. okay, i'm just kidding. (:
he's already a man, a good man.
i had to leave early because i had to rush assignments. (i'm sorry dwightie.)
i had a good time listening to his stories, and everything.
i don't know, but after i met dwight, i felt so good. for some reason. (:
OH YES, dwightie's the only sweetheart that didn't laugh at my fall. ((((:

and i miss him already. sigh. :(
i pretty much hate it when he's back in camp but oh well.
i'm gonna see him next wk again, and i just hope this week will be good for him.

take care dwightie, i know you're in camp already and won't be able to read this, but when you do, and when you come out, i just want you to know, this life would be harder to get through without you around. you've opened my eyes to countless things. and i'm waiting for you to play the guitar for me soon. (: take care dwightie. big big big huggs for youuuu! blearlgahaksj! :p

goodnight everyone, it's been a good but tiring day.
so i'm gonna slp now, tmr's gonna be a long day.
so goodnight everyone.
have a great week ahead! :DDDD

God, i love You, and there's nothing that's gonna bring me down now. i wouldn't exchange anything for this now. thank You. (:

SO YOU THINK YOU CAN SCREAM?

2006-11-19T11:44:00.000-08:00

arghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yesterday's "SO YOU THINK YOU CAN SCREAM" event was WOAH!
our once in awhile worship experience in IGNYTE has finally come again.
it was super good i tell you. :DD
i learnt so many things, heard so many things, felt so many things, the feeling's just indescribable.
it's really a pity that i can't go for IGNYTE camp this year, due to term tests and stuff. i think all the poly people can't, so if i'm not wrong, Pastor Gary's making a poly retreat for us after our term tests. :D YAY. haha

and and and i'm super super super happy to see _______ there. :D
i think the moment i walked into the chapel and saw ______, i practically melted. :D
hehhh. gosh, it feels SOOOOOOOO good to see you back, it's been such a long time, and i've missed you. :)

haha, ling, pingg and i went for FUEL yesterday, like after so long. :x
lol. TRINITY @ Paya Lebar would be ready by next year January,
and yes, TRINITY would be split into 2, where half would go to Adam, and the other half would go to PL.
my family and i have been assigned to PL, and pingg, lizz, ling would be going to PL as well. (:
there's gonna be 2 IGNYTES, all x2.
it's gonna be a new start for the church again.
and i can't imagine the great things that are gonna happen. (:
though we'll have to split up, i believe that there are reasons and we just have to trust where GOD is leading us.
i can't wait! :D

then after fuel, we went to eat heh mee. :D
hhehehe.
very very very nice! :D
we went home happily and really tired. haha.
but i really enjoyed yesterday. it was really really good. (:

ohkay, now i've gotta go do my assignments. :(((
i've got to complete them or else i won't have time cos i'm meeting dwightie! :D
yay!
bye! have a nice day you all. and i'll blog about my birthday real soon(sorry!). (:

"how great is our God!"

it really feels so good to see you back. it's been such a long time. (:

let me migrate please.

2006-11-17T11:10:00.000-08:00

LOL, i just woke up and i just wanna blog.
i had 2 dreams last night. scary ones. one was really bloody. the other was very scary, but i had a boy in my dream, being with me, keeping me safe. and i know who that boy was.

before i slept last night, i was talking to my mom. telling her about the past few days.
i said that i feel that in the future "......".
and i said that i'm really silly right?

mom said that i wasn't. she said that it's alright to build your dreams with someone you love.
sometimes i wish i couldn't.
i wish i could build some other dreams somewhere else with someone else.

i really wish i could migrate or something. yeah. call it running away or what.
at least running away can help me take some rest and get away from all these things that i don't wanna go through.
it's like constant torment. i guess i have myself to blame.

cos even after so long, i still love you.
sometimes i wish i could say that out. but now i know i no longer can.
i can no longer say i'm sad in front of you, cos you always say that you don't want me to be hurt because of you.
so at all times, i must seem strong.
i must laugh, i must be happy, i can't cry, i can't feel agony.
and this is torturing me.
mom said, "you can be strong, but somedays, you'll just crumble. but at the end of the day you have to get up and say "i can do it."."
yeah mom, i know. (:

i hate myself for missing you, really.
i wish that i've gotten selective amnesia.
i choose to remember the happy things and forget all those bad ones.
i choose to remember what my life was before you, and forget the one after you came and gone.
i wish that every place i go, i can take a duster or something and clear away all the memories like a whiteboard and leave nothing behind.

i question myself why was it so easy to forget everything behind him and me?
but now you and me, why is it so difficult for me?

anyway, all in all, if all i've done, can let you live a good and happy life without any troubles,
then it's worth it.
even if i've got to go through all torment, and cry for you sometimes, it's alright.
at least in my heart, i know you're safe and sound.
even if i've got to force myself to walk away from you just to make things better, i would.
all in all, i just want you to be happy, be alright.
as much as i wish that i could still call you mine, still have you to hold and lean on when i need to,
i know i no longer can, and i have to move on.
i know that i still hold dreams in my heart that i won't let go.
but all these dreams have to be put on a hold and in the meanwhile, i'll just have to move on.
move on and move on.

i realised last night, that my ultimate wish is to see you happy.
i realised that even if i feel lousy about everything, just the thought of you being alright, safe and sound, brings me the peace.

so please, be happy. (:
don't let this blog post affect you alright?
feelings for you, funny how it is, just cannot be forgotten in such a short matter of time.
maybe even after long, i wouldn't be able to.
i don't know.
i'll keep my promise, and i hope you'll keep yours too.
our promise does not have to be said, we both know it.
and maybe someday, things will be back right where it's supposed to be. (:

still, nobody can take the place of my number one boy.

i'll still slip, i'll still fall but i'll always run back to You. (:

2006-11-17T00:10:00.000-08:00

Avalon - New Day. ((:

"It's a new day, oh it's a new time.
and there's a new way i'm gonna live my life.
all the ~~old~~ has passed away and the new has come.
thank God, it's a brand new day.

Looking back on yesterday there are things that i regret,
but i put the ~~past~~ behind me and i never will forget,
You have covered my ~~mistakes~~ and my ~~broken dreams~~.
now over the horizon i see the dawn is drawing near,
and i realised the sun did rise, tomorrow's finally here.

It's a new day, oh it's a new time.
and there's a new way i'm gonna live my life.
all the ~~old~~ has passed away and the new has come.
thank God, it's a brand new day.

Now, when i wake up thinkin',
'bout the things i've done before,
~~memories i could not escape~~,
well they can't ~~haunt~~ me anymore.
now i can hold my head up high,
cos i am not the same.
You've changed my whole perspective,
now with new eyes i see,
i've become a new creation,
cos of what You've done for me.

cos of what You've done for me,
i am not ~~ashamed~~.
THIS HEART OF MINE IS FINALLY FREE,
I'LL NEVER BE THE SAME." :D

hello everyoneeeeeeeeee. :D

i'm here to blog again.
firstly, i wanna say, i was really tired ytd. and i fell asleep on the bus after a long time.
the last time i fell asleep was uhhhhh, never mind.
haha.

i had such a hard time waking up ytd morning. my whole body was aching and i was like stoning on the bed for 5mins before i really got up. lol.
we went for maths lecture in the morning for 2 hours and then we headed off to kap's macs. (:
hehhhh. we finally could have our long sought after macs breakfast. yumyumm! :D

bran didn't come yesteryday. sigh. :(
i really hope he's alright. brandon, we're all worried about you, y'know. please be okay. :(
however, my 3 girls and i had loads of funnnn. (:

after that, we went into the "video ezy" beside macs after that to take a look at some dvds. (:
ann rented one for her and putri sayangg to go back to school to watch since ann was going to wait for her bf and sayangg had still quite a lot of time before meeting her friend.
we urm, did not go back for our 1 hour chem lecture. :x
anyway, we don't think it's of any use cos we don't really listen. lol. so yeap.
qing and i then left. she was going home and i was going to meet my mom at her workplace.

so yes, as i was saying, i fell aslp in the bus since i was so tired,
and i lost my earpiece for my phone! RAH! :(
oh well, never mind. i hope i can get a new one soon. hehhh.

not only did i lose my earpiece, i overshot the bus stop that i was supposed to alight at, since yes, i was zZzzzzzzzzzzzz. :x hahaha oh well, never mind la, cos i still reached mom's office. (:
hehehe.

we went to eat sakae sushi and thinking about it, i realised i ate sakae sushi exactly 1 week ago with Ren Ko. ((((((((((((((: heh.

so we ate and everything then mom bought me this ice cream from this shop called "uzumaki" if i'm not wrong. they have like green tea ice cream.
it's $4! i didn't want it at first cos of it's price and urm, really small portion.
but mom still bought it cos she loves me and wanted me to let me try it out. (:
i love my mom! :D
then i went home.

actually i wanted to go to Ren's house ytd but he's working till pretty late and i've got a lot of assignments to complete. so, i don't really feel like going. maybe the weekends or something. :D
alright, now time for some pictures :

:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

see here, macs at KAP is so nice and looks so peaceful right? (: heh

now, see here. guess who's the retard trying to break the peace? sighhh. *shakes head. LOL!
i'm just kidding sayang! (: i love you for being silly. life would never be the same if you ain't like that. i love you anyhow! hehh! this photo cracked us up a lot. LOL. :D i love you sayang! :D

oooh. my favourite-est out of all the others today. yummy! :D

(: christmas time is coming and i love the christmas songs playing everywhere. i can't wait for christmas to come! :D this picture's so pretty right! (: i rmb what Ren said there last week. ((:
i can't wait for christmas to come, so fun! i'll be away for a week plus i think. yay! i can't wait for my hols! (: yay yay yayyyy! it'll be a good break from everything. (:

touch rug today was pretty fun. i FINALLY understand the whole thing. yay. i'm not stupid anymore. ((: heh

and i had an accident at home today. sigh. never mind. lol. i just hope it heals real soon cos my leg hurts everytime i walk. rah.

dental appointment before school was normal. just that this time it's more painful. :(

CATS was pretty alright. daryl kept laughing when i jumped when he opened his stupid crumpler bag with the stupid loud velcro. IDIOT. :P

very amusing ah? lol. okay la. maybe it was. daryl is crazy. :x

today has been an alright day except for a few mishaps. lol

i just read Jan's blog and i practically cried. i really hate seeing break ups. never mind if i've got to go through them. but i wanna see other people happy.

it just breaks my heart even more to see people hurting.

JANICE, i hope you're alright, really. memories are hard to let go, it's hard to do without someone you once really relied on and really loved. it's really hard to do. i know. but i know you'll get through this somehow. just as you got used to having him around, you'll get used to not having him around.

we all love someone. someone we hold close in our hearts. someone that left. someone though we loved so much, we had to let go because we just want them to be happy, even if we're no longer part of the plan. Jan, we all love in our lives. we all get joy from love, but get so much pain from it too.

sometimes i think, why is love this way? it just keeps leading us on a rollercoaster ride. one after another. and finally, only at the end of the road we find someone who'll hold our hand forever and really keep his promises.

sometimes i wonder if we really need to go through all this. sometimes i wish i could numb myself to all that pains me and choose not to go through every hurdle and choose not to fall in love. but everytime i seem to fall and seem to get hurt again.

but we never give up do we? :) i realise, as much as i hate going through all these ups and downs, i look forward to the time when all this pays off. when a person i had to go through so many break ups finally appears and saves me. lol. :) we all learn really valuable lessons from each phase. it only makes us stronger, and better people.

love is a part of our life, and will always be part of our humanity. when we choose to stop loving, we'll not be human anymore. let's just let go of our hurts, our sadness, kick them far away where they won't come back and embrace all the happy moments that we have now okay? (: let's just think that at the end of this race, our prize is awaiting us. let that give us strength and hope. (:

cheer up Jan. JIA YOU girl! :D i'm sure you can do it, trust me, i know. (:

okay, ah. i'm really tired now.

hmm,
whatever it is, anyhow, any way, in the future, i know what's missing will be filled again. but i'm not desperate for it. i'll just stand in strong and quiet hope for it. no matter how long the wait, i know it'll still come along. :)

i hate looking around, seeing hearts break for no reason, seeing break ups, quarrels within families, divorces, wars becoming more common. what is this love that we're talking about? what has caused this love to become so warped? what is love to this world now? i really don't understand.
but i pray for every broken heart, healing and comfort will be found.
for every heart that has broken another's, i pray for forgiveness.
i pray that there will be a change.

and to one day, see this concept of love change back to it's once simple and lovely state.
and to of course, to someday soon, hold a love that is simple and true. not warped, not of the world's ideas, but of mine.

i pray tonight Lord, i pray.

baby, turn on your lovelight. (: ♥

why won't you tell me what you said just now?

KYMBERLY IS HAPPY. :D

2006-11-15T23:48:00.000-08:00

hello there, (:
i'm sorry that i haven't been blogging lately. i've been caught up in school work and stuff.
i celebrated my 17th birthday on the 11th of this month and i know i haven't blogged and uploaded pictures and stuff.
but i promise i'll do all that after i get all the pictures.
but i can just say 3 words to describe it all. "BESTEST BIRTHDAY EVER." :D
heh. thank you to all who made it so memorable. i love all of you so much! (:

this week has been alright. i just feel really tired, and weak these past few days.
haha. but i'm still happy.
i got to see brudder on monday night. we went out to have dinner and sorta celebrate my birthday since he couldn't come on saturday. (:
oh well, we went to have long john's since i haven't eaten that in a long time.
brudder makes me laugh like shit you know.
and things that usually i won't find funny, i'll still find funny when he says it.
he always makes my day. :D
the world seems to disappear when he's around. my worries seem to fade. and all i can hear is laughter. ((:
it's really amazing. have i mentioned how much i love my brudder? (:
thank you brudder, for the CD. i lovee it! :D
heh.

you know, i think, life has never been this good. really.
it's like, i don't know. i'm just having a lot of fun.
although i do worry, i do have my downs, but they're always replaced with ups that people around me give. and they're always replaced by hopes, dreams, and love too.
i've been thinking alot of what i want to do in the future. i can't wait for poly to end, and then maybe go overseas to study U. (:
i can never thank the people around me enough. they're constantly there, willing to hear me complain, scold people, see me get angry, get upset and everything. i feel like crying sometimes, thinking of how blessed i am.
even when things seem as if they put me at the losing end, i feel like i'm a winner, and definitely not a loser.
whatever it is, i know that all things will turn out well. (:
as much as i'm waiting for my love to come back to me, i'm willing to give it up at any time that requires me to do so.
as long as we're all happy. nothing else matters to me.
as long as i know my future is set, and would turn out well, i don't have anything to worry about, do i? :D

to putri sayangg, ann, and qing.
thank you for all that you've given me. i really don't know what i would have done without you guys.
the crazy things we do like running along alleys of practical rooms and laughing like "siao char bors" and going to the library to eat instant noodles and drink bubble tea and just talking a lot.
it's made me gain so much, more than you guys could imagine. (:
i love you all, and i know my life would never be the same without you all to make my day shine so brightly everyday. (:

every phase in life, teaches us something. though i didn't see it then, when all that was within my sight were tears, i see it now. i know i've learnt so much. and i've benefitted a lot from this. i see the reasons why this had to happen. i see why this specific time, why this situation. i know now. i may not have ALL the answers, but i've gotten a glimpse of the bigger picture and that's enough for me to push on and hold on. i guess when vision and foresight is limited, we suffer the most, cos we only see the tunnel we're in and how dark it is, but we do not see the light at the end of the tunnel. in the future, there will be many more tears i'll have to shed for sure, there will be many times where i'll have to push myself to move on when difficult situations come along, but hey. i know now that i'm stronger than before. (: and with each situation i have to go through, i'll become stronger and every tear i cry, would be worth it at the end of the day. (: i won't give up, i won't. and i don't want people out there to as well. for every thing you go through, there's a bigger reason that we wouldn't be able to perceive. but we would. you'll see it at the end of the day. i have faith, and hope. in my GOD whom i know holds my future in His hands. and i know, as long as i have Him around, i will be way better than just okay. (:

in due time, i know like before, i'll have someone i can really rely on again. but before that, i want to be independent so that that person can rely on me as well. (: hehh.

alright, kym is going to bed now. (:
so before she goes, she just wants to say:

"learning to cope with loss, or even, getting over your loss, is not a sign of your scarce love for the other party. but it is a sign of sacrificial and abundant love, so much that it is enough to let you let that person go and be happy. even if you're no longer in his/her life." :D

alright, goodnight world. :D

please keep mickey till forever. ((:

my dream man. (:

2006-11-08T20:20:00.000-08:00

(:

ahh, it's so nice to be home finally.
before i start doing my "famous mathematicians" assignment(which i really think does not help me with maths), i just wanted to blog. (:
i was supposed to meet pastor Gary today but we didn't meet in the end cos he's not feeling well so we postponed it to next wk. take care pastor Gary.

i am pretty silly today.
hehh. even on my bus rides to and from school, i thought about a lot.
through every relationship we go through, we come to realise what things we really like in your partner and what you don't like. then when picking the next partner, we're more aware of what we want and which points are really important to you. no, i'm not talking about wanting someone really close to perfect and where standards are sky high.
cos no one's perfect. you set your standards just right. enough to make you really happy and satisfied about it.

i have come to my conclusion after much thought and after some experience, of what a man must have before coming into my life.

here:
1) definitely must be a man after God's heart.
2) LOVE ME A LOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT and of course accept my shortcomings.
3) has understanding parents who can accept me and love me and a good family is good too. (:
4) knows how to set priorities right, and make time for me when i need him.
5) be there for me, support me, encourage me.
6) play a musical instrument? preferably the piano, guitar or drums and a plus would be if he could sing really well too. hehh.
7) be more positive than negative. i don't want a gloomy boy by my side all the time y'know. (:
8) must have LOTS OF patience and tolerance for kymberly can be a big idiot sometimes.
9) be a good listener and a good talker too.
10) have good personal hygiene, know how to groom, dress and carry himself well. (:
11) play a certain sport.
12) know how to take care of his own health and his well being. if he don't even know how to take care of himself, how to take care of me?
13) be a homely person. i like people who can just bum around the whole day with me instead of going out.
14) someone who is soft and strong hearted, compassionate, but still knows how to stand up for himself and me. (:
15) someone who can cook, instant noodles not counted okay. :p other simple stuff can. heh. :D
16) don't smoke, cos this is not taking care of his own health plus i cannot tahan smoke smell and i've got asthmatic history and don't drink, cos i just don't like it.
17) be sweet! :D
18) know how to pamper me and know the right ways to make me happy and make the effort to find out those ways. (:
19) get along well with my friends.
20) LOVE ME LOTS LOTS AND LOTS. okay, wait, i said that already. but aiya, nvm la.

yeahhh, these are the main ones la. if i go on, it'll be as long as toilet paper. (:
lol, i rmb mom telling me this, if you pray every night and ask God to send a man who has all that qualities you want, somehow or another, he'll come along.
no joke okay, i've had friends who've found partners who really match whatever they've written down years ago. it's like a perfect fit.
(:

these are my thoughts for today, and maybe girls out there would want to try setting your standards and find the right guy for yourself some day. (:
and some, please don't say, "eh, i got so much criteria, what if i can't find that person?"
i assure you, you will. (:
then you'll know he's god-sent.
hehehehe.

alright, i've gotta go do my silly assignment now,
please take care everyone! bye! :DDDD

"the end of something is the beginning of something new."

LOVE WILL FIND A WAY.♥

2006-11-07T18:32:00.000-08:00

hello there! :)
welcome to my new blog, please relink me okay?

after blogging at my other blog for almost 2 years, i'm moving here.
there was where i had many happy and many many sad memories,
here is where i'm gonna build new and happy memories.
but i still love that blog and as much as i'm keeping it aside now, they are now my box of memories and i can gain strength from there next time. (:

this is where i start my new life, a new time.
i met brandon on the way to school today, not brandon from my class but brandon from church and school.
we were talking, about how times have changed.
about how we're growing up so quickly now, about how we people in church aren't that close anymore like before in secondary school, how people have been so busy with their own stuff, own poly, own jc.
like, i haven't been seeing dinesh in church recently, and i miss talks with that boy.
i miss all the times we used to have.
but like brandon said, we're all moving on constantly, but in our hearts, we still rmb each other.
yeap, we're all growing up brandon.
we've come so far.
we change for the better, conquer new things. God is shaping us.

though the talk was only for the bus journey, it made me feel as if many things talked to me.
as if there was something stirring in my heart.
we're all growing up, pain is a part of the growing up process isn't it? ((:
i just know now i feel happy, and somehow something inside has changed.
many dreams that were lost, somehow have resurfaced.
i realise that actually, i want to chase these dreams the best i can.
things i held close to my heart once, then gone, are now coming back to me.

there's studies, where i want to study medicine, but at the rate i'm going, i don't think i can unless now i work harder. i want to pursue this really badly.
then there's spiritual stuff, where i hold some things really close to my heart.
there's my passion for music, where it used to burn so strongly, but now it seems like the fire has doused off.

i'm gonna pursue things that were once really close to my heart, cos i realised how much they matter to me than many other things.

then there's settling down.
which girl doesn't want to settle down huh? tell me. lol.
yeap, that's one of my dreams too,
but not now, not at the moment, until i find the right person. (:
i'm sure i will, along the road.
then i'll settle down, have a family together under one roof. (:

i asked ann and qing today,
if you meet someone 5 years older than you and you guys start dating, then when you finish your diploma where you've dated for 3 years and you're around 20, he proposes, then how?
LOL. our answers were all almost the same "GET MARRIED LOH, if he's willing to take care of me for the rest of his life, then get married." lol.

we all want to settle down, and that time will come when we all will.

for me, now, i know what's important for me, and for the person i love.
if we all love, it shouldn't be selfish love. because selfish love, isn't love at all.
cos if you love that person, you wouldn't want to impose demands that would hurt the other party right? :)
i have learnt much, and yes, if it's meant to be, my love will come back to me.

i told putri sayangg ytd, i miss him a lot.
yeah, i miss him, but now, i'm getting used to it. (:
i've learnt to finally let go of everything.
looking at things from a brighter perspective makes me feel a whole lot better now.
we're all still young, there's no forever yet, till later.
and i'm growing up, i'm still growing up, to be a woman that i was intended by God to be.
though challenges are many, and sometimes good times seem few, but i know that someday i will still be that strong woman i was made to be. (:
it's all in the learning process.

and i hope enming will grow up to be the man he was intended to be and not let disappointing things bring him down. i know he'll be stronger and turn out to be that good man that God also intended him to be.

like gold has to go through the fire to be purified,
like water has to go through complicated processes to be clean and better,
like rice has to be in a pressure rice cooker to be cooked,
like pebbles have to be under harsh running water to be made smooth,
we humans have to go through trials to turn out as pure as gold, to be stronger and more polished like a little pebble.
things never come easy in life, and we never can escape trials. but we gain strength everytime we get through each one. (:
love is the same.

and now, i've decided to move on, to create a new life and pursue my once lost but now found dreams. (:

i hope everyone can be happy too.

and here's a little video from the "The Lion King 2" about how the male lion in the video is scar's(a bad leader from the bad land) son, who turned out good but is still other his family's expectations to bring Simba(the good lion leader from the good land) down. to overtake that kingdom. but Simba's daughter and Scar's son met somehow and fell in love. obviously both families didn't allow it since it could harm each family's expectations and harm the family. thus both had to go through many rough times, rejection, hurts, pains, tears. this video shows these 2 lions and listen to the lyrics of the song "Love Will Find A Way". it's a really nice show, i love it. cos in the end, the 2 sides "made up" and came together cos Simba's daughter and Scar's son brought the 2 sides together. and in the end they lived happily in love ever after. i really loved and still love this movie for some reason. lol. (:

may this bring you all much hope that nothing is impossible and hard times will pass. (:
be happy!
goodbye! :D